What good is an apology?

Queen Titania · May 25, 2015

justoffal said:
What does an apology Mean?

We see them all the time...apologies. some of them rise to the level of what we as societarians deem to be sincere others are dismissed out of hand simply as ploys to regain face. Does an apology do any good for anybody? Sometimes I don't think so.

While it is certainly an integral part of expected social mechanics sometimes I think apologies just make things worse. Take Josh Duggar for instance. Those who are of a conservative lean feel that though he was deeply offensive and wrong in his actions that he is sincere and repentant and therefore the apology seems like a good thing to them. Those who are of a decidedly anti-conservative lean just see the apology as part of the original offense and are even more incensed with the public offering of it.

What about for the person apologizing? Is it a self serving thing? Yes, at times I think it is. Still though there is something to be said for knocking an old woman down accidentally and then helping her back to her feet with profuse apologies.....though truthfully I think that is a completely different kind of Apology.

I have reached a point in my life where I have begun to question apologies and wonder if they help or hurt especially in high profile cases. A murderer who apologizes to a family for his past actions against their family member gets no legal benefit from it and in fact probably just gets the spit and fury of the family members he/she is talking to with the occasional exception of those who forgive openly. Maybe then it is worth something to somebody.

Additionally in pursuit of full disclosure I wonder at times if an apology is more of a bump in the road than it is anything else. If I truly hate somebody for something they did...or I did something to somebody because I truly hate them....does apologizing do anything to reveal the real motives, the current state of those motives and the likely intentions that may follow? Or.....does it simply mask them behind a cloak of time wasting false statements?

I"m not ready to say that we should abandon apologies....but I am ready to take another look at them.

JO

I hate all these awful Public 'I'm sorry's' too, despise them. They do what they are intended to do, halt any honest conversation and or exploration into the matter at hand by turning it ( any matter) into a sickly sentimental, falsifying the emotive by turning it on its head, self indulgent, slop, avoiding any possibility of intelligent inquiry.

Queen Titania · May 25, 2015

zzigzzag said:
I've noticed that there are some people who apologize profusely for every, little, inconsequential thing.

I've also noticed that they can't be trusted and do not apologize to those they back-stab and gossip about.

Too much apologizing is a tell. A cover. I do not find it endearing.

''I've noticed that there are some people who apologize profusely for every, little, inconsequential thing.''

The English! God they drive me crazy with as many and auto 'I'm sorry's' as 'Fu'ck's' used as every other word. It is a dishonest and lazy use of language.

Queen Titania · May 25, 2015

Max R. said:
Gobbledygook = a term often used by Internet trolls when they have nothing intelligent to say.

Origin
1940s (originally US): probably imitating a turkey's gobble.

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/gobbledygook

And you have been sent here by God to eat 'em turkey impersonators up, no doubt

zzigzzag · May 25, 2015

Queen Titania said:
''I've noticed that there are some people who apologize profusely for every, little, inconsequential thing.''

The English! God they drive me crazy with as many and auto 'I'm sorry's' as 'Fu'ck's' used as every other word. It is a dishonest and lazy use of language.

My ex must have been English. When someone apologizes profusely for her skirt brushing you on the way by, watch your back.

Max R. · May 25, 2015

Spamature said:
Hey I never when after the personal stuff. I saw it take place. Had you been on the Fray at that time there were posters who would have taken it there. The partisanship at the height of the Iraq war was especially toxic. It essentially came down to fascist murder loving warmongers who hated brown people vs the terrorist sympathizers who wanted America to fail as far as how one side saw the other.

It got even worse during the 2008 election.

LOL. Yes, people get pretty caught up in it. It's always been a curiosity why they do so. Is it because their own lives are so pitiful that they feel an online crusader personality gives their life meaning? I'm definitely convinced the percentage of people with mental issues online is higher than the national norm.

Max R. · May 25, 2015

Queen Titania said:
Origin
1940s (originally US): probably imitating a turkey's gobble.

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/english/gobbledygook

And you have been sent here by God to eat 'em turkey impersonators up, no doubt

I have no doubt you actually believe that.

Old joke: When you talk to God, we call it prayer, but when God talks to you, we call it schizophrenia.

Sorry to disappoint you, Titania, but God doesn't talk to me. In the grand scheme of things, I'm no more or less important than you or anyone else.

zzigzzag · May 25, 2015

Max R. said:
I have no doubt you actually believe that.

Old joke: When you talk to God, we call it prayer, but when God talks to you, we call it schizophrenia.

Sorry to disappoint you, Titania, but God doesn't talk to me. In the grand scheme of things, I'm no more or less important than you or anyone else.

You're half right.

Queen Titania · May 25, 2015

Max R. said:
I have no doubt you actually believe that.

Old joke: When you talk to God, we call it prayer, but when God talks to you, we call it schizophrenia.

Sorry to disappoint you, Titania, but God doesn't talk to me. In the grand scheme of things, I'm no more or less important than you or anyone else.

Ummmm for some reason my tongue, quite naturally, ensconces its self in my cheek when ever I see your name, odd eh?

zzigzzag · May 25, 2015

Queen Titania said:
Ummmm for some reason my tongue, quite naturally, ensconces its self in my cheek when ever I see your name, odd eh?

That's the kindest euphemism I've seen for Max's reputation here.

Max R. · May 25, 2015

Queen Titania said:
Ummmm for some reason my tongue, quite naturally, ensconces its self in my cheek when ever I see your name, odd eh?

Yes, odd. Why do you think that is, Titania?

Max R. · May 25, 2015

zzigzzag said:
That's the kindest euphemism I've seen for Max's reputation here.

Queen Titania · May 25, 2015

Max R. said:
Yes, odd. Why do you think that is, Titania?

Gosh, now I'll have to give some serious thought to that extremely difficult question ---- if I find the answer I'll be sure to let you in on it.

zzigzzag · May 25, 2015

Max R. said:

RickW agrees with you. Where's the rest of your posse....you know....Mikey?

Max R. · May 25, 2015

Queen Titania said:
Gosh, now I'll have to give some serious thought to that extremely difficult question ---- if I find the answer I'll be sure to let you in on it.

Don't hurt yourself on my account, dear.

Queen Titania · May 25, 2015

Max R. said:
Don't hurt yourself on my account, dear.

tsch tsch - wouldn't dream of it.

gigi · May 25, 2015

zzigzzag said:
My ex must have been English. When someone apologizes profusely for her skirt brushing you on the way by, watch your back.

Well, the profusely part is odd for such an inconsequential thing. But I think a quick "I'm sorry" for brushing or bumping someone, or any other small offense is often necessary. I say this only because people tend to view us as rude if we get into their personal space, even by accident, and don't acknowledge it somehow.

Spamature · May 25, 2015

Max R. said:
LOL. Yes, people get pretty caught up in it. It's always been a curiosity why they do so. Is it because their own lives are so pitiful that they feel an online crusader personality gives their life meaning? I'm definitely convinced the percentage of people with mental issues online is higher than the national norm.

More or less it's just that people disagree. Some people mistake disagreement for something more than it is and then it starts to become personal as time goes on, after that it gets mean.

Max R. · May 25, 2015

Spamature said:
More or less it's just that people disagree. Some people mistake disagreement for something more than it is and then it starts to become personal as time goes on, after that it gets mean.

While I agree with much of what you say, you and I both know that some people are a lot more vicious in their disagreement than others. What are your thoughts on why that is, @Spamature?

Spamature · May 25, 2015

Max R. said:
While I agree with much of what you say, you and I both know that some people are a lot more vicious in their disagreement than others. What are your thoughts on why that is, @Spamature?

Because there are not the same kind of repercussions online as one would face in everyday life for their actions or reactions.

What good is an apology?

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