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Attention: Team Political Jack. Totally apolitical request for help

RickWA

Senator
My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
 

bdtex

Administrator
Staff member
I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.
When people go through what he is and will be going through,they find out who their true friends really are. It is more than trite my friend.
 

Jen

Trump 2020
My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
Just be there like you always have been. Listen to him when he talks.........really listen. Actually.......we should do that with all our friends, but we don't. We sit there thinking about what we will say next. So be sure to listen. And get to know him and his wife well enough that she will feel safe and comfortable with you guys being next door to her when he's gone. Knowing that someone will be close by when he's gone if his wife needs something will mean everything in the world to him.
 

RickWA

Senator
When people go through what he is and will be going through,they find out who their true friends really are. It is more than trite my friend.
Thanks, BD. This really hurts. He confided in me in my driveway tonight, and this man I’ve NEVER seen cry, teared up. I’m the first person he told (besides his wife). He actually apologized to ME for burdening me with this. Can you imagine??

We all posture that we’re ready for everything. I am not ready to be a burden to this man. His humility in the face of this is not only incredible - but is convicting (I mean this in a good way). Amazing grace!

Anyway, just looking for thoughts on how I can be of service to him. Thanks for your thoughts.
 

PNWest

America's BEST American: Impartial and Bipartisan
My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
I am so sorry to hear about your neighbor and friend. My belief is that each person handles things like this differently. Since 1999 my wife and I have lost 3 parents, 3 siblings and one very close friend to cancer. Each dealt with it differently and each needed something different. You are a good person and you will handle things properly. It may be that that your friend just wants to have as normal days as possible. Maybe you go out to eat and talk about whatever interest him. He may need trips to the doctor. Be there for him. Maybe he wants to talk about issues that are very heavy. Lend an ear. Maybe he'll be in denial, help him fight and stay positive. His wife will need support - be there for her. It's tough. We still invite our widowed brother in law up a couple times a year. Keep an eye on the wife because everyone sees what he is going through but no one sees the weight she's carrying.

Cancer sucks. It's a shitty way to die and the feeling of being unable to make things better is maddening.

You'll figure out what you friend needs. You'll be there for him and in the end you'll grow from what will be a very sad experience.

Good luck.
 

RickWA

Senator
Just be there like you always have been. Listen to him when he talks.........really listen. Actually.......we should do that with all our friends, but we don't. We sit there thinking about what we will say next. So be sure to listen. And get to know him and his wife well enough that she will feel safe and comfortable with you guys being next door to her when he's gone. Knowing that someone will be close by when he's gone if his wife needs something will mean everything in the world to him.
Thank you, Jen. His wife is his adamant protector at this point. She’s an amazing lady in her own right. I now understand why she was so careful when we were bringing groceries to them during this COVID business. The man was immuno-compromised above and beyond his age group.

Great people who deserve much. This I know.
 

Wahbooz

Governor
My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
You're already obviously doing so much, you and your family. The best thing you can do, Rick, is be his friend, your friendship is the strength he needs.

Let me add, people can do lots of things, out of the goodness of their hearts. Bu to be a real friend is the greatest gift of all. I wish the best for him.
 
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My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
Would they like to go out somewhere? If they are not having to drive and can leave as soon as he is tired - even simple outings bring freshness to a day.

Gentle hobbies with a positive/creative outcome = wax paintings or some such.
 
My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
I hear you. I, unfortunately (or not depending on your perspective :0), don't have much to say on the matter. I'll think on it and if I come up with something I'll get back to you.





P.S. I do hesitate to say this but CBD oil seems to have a good effect on some tumors in conjunction with chemo. I have no idea how that would be with lymphoma.
 

Emily

NSDAP Kanzler
Not to be crass about it but, if they'll be facing financial hardship from this, you might consider a GoFundMe for them.
Besides that, don't over think it -- Just be the friend you've been.
 

JackDallas

Senator
Supporting Member
My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
Don't consider prayer as a last resort. Engage in prayer for this man FIRST.
The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16
Pray first, and pray with him. Then do what you can to make his life more comfortable.
I will pray for him too. I don't need to know his name, God knows who he is.
 
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RickWA

Senator
I am so sorry to hear about your neighbor and friend. My belief is that each person handles things like this differently. Since 1999 my wife and I have lost 3 parents, 3 siblings and one very close friend to cancer. Each dealt with it differently and each needed something different. You are a good person and you will handle things properly. It may be that that your friend just wants to have as normal days as possible. Maybe you go out to eat and talk about whatever interest him. He may need trips to the doctor. Be there for him. Maybe he wants to talk about issues that are very heavy. Lend an ear. Maybe he'll be in denial, help him fight and stay positive. His wife will need support - be there for her. It's tough. We still invite our widowed brother in law up a couple times a year. Keep an eye on the wife because everyone sees what he is going through but no one sees the weight she's carrying.

Cancer sucks. It's a shitty way to die and the feeling of being unable to make things better is maddening.

You'll figure out what you friend needs. You'll be there for him and in the end you'll grow from what will be a very sad experience.

Good luck.
Thanks for your thoughts, PNW - and GREAT point on keeping tabs on the wife. You'e exactly right on that.
 

RickWA

Senator
You're already obviously doing so much, you and your family. The best thing you can do, Rick, is be his friend, your friendship is the strength he needs.

Let me add, people can do lots of things, out of the goodness of their hearts. Bu to be a real friend is the greatest gift of all. I wish the best for him.
I appreciate your thoughts on this. It just seems like I've done this dance before. I'm just trying to see if there are things I haven't thought of - I mean, I know I don't have any control over the man's health outcome beyond prayers and helping him as best I can. Just frustrated. I just lost a dear friend to brain cancer a couple of months ago. It just seems like as soon as one passes, the next one is queued up. :-(
 

RickWA

Senator
Would they like to go out somewhere? If they are not having to drive and can leave as soon as he is tired - even simple outings bring freshness to a day.

Gentle hobbies with a positive/creative outcome = wax paintings or some such.
I don't know, Queenie. As mentioned, he is at super high immunity risk and his wife really keeps him under wraps. I'll do some more thinking on this. Thank you.
 

RickWA

Senator
I hear you. I, unfortunately (or not depending on your perspective :0), don't have much to say on the matter. I'll think on it and if I come up with something I'll get back to you.





P.S. I do hesitate to say this but CBD oil seems to have a good effect on some tumors in conjunction with chemo. I have no idea how that would be with lymphoma.
I have no clue about CBD and lymphoma - particularly this very aggressive sort. I'll ask him what discussions he's had with alternative medicine options. Thanks, RE.
 

RickWA

Senator
Not to be crass about it but, if they'll be facing financial hardship from this, you might consider a GoFundMe for them.
Besides that, don't over think it -- Just be the friend you've been.
Thanks, Emily. He is a CPA and his wife is a nurse. Their finances are in rather good shape. I'll just support them as best I can.
 

RickWA

Senator
Don't consider prayer as a last resort. Engage in prayer for this man FIRST.
The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. James 5:16
Pray first, and pray with him. Then do what you can to make his life more comfortable.
I will pray for him too. I don't need to know his name, God knows who he is.
Yessir, I quite agree! His name is Dave, BTW - but you're right...God knows this already. Thanks for the prayers, Jack!
 
I don't know, Queenie. As mentioned, he is at super high immunity risk and his wife really keeps him under wraps. I'll do some more thinking on this. Thank you.
Everyone is different but taking up painting or some other sort of sitting down hobby, to lose himself in, might be an idea - one can buy simple kits in boxes - even simply designing and making Christmas cards can be rewarding but I don't know what sort of interests your friend has. Puzzles are good for quieting the soul after a shock.

Hard isn't it? Maybe he will want some of his memories or thoughts written down - but fun and easy laughter are a boon.

xxx
 

PNWest

America's BEST American: Impartial and Bipartisan
Thanks for your thoughts, PNW - and GREAT point on keeping tabs on the wife. You'e exactly right on that.
You are welcome. I wish to hell I didn't have experience in this area though.

Hang in there.
 

RickWA

Senator
Everyone is different but taking up painting or some other sort of sitting down hobby, to lose himself in, might be an idea - one can buy simple kits in boxes - even simply designing and making Christmas cards can be rewarding but I don't know what sort of interests your friend has. Puzzles are good for quieting the soul after a shock.

Hard isn't it? Maybe he will want some of his memories or thoughts written down - but fun and easy laughter are a boon.

xxx
Those are great thoughts as well, QT. Thank you for taking the time to ponder this and reach out.

It sure was a lot easier 20 years ago when I faced constant friend weddings rather than this stuff...not that it’s about me. It’s just so hard to find the right words (and deeds). A very somber birthday today...
 
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