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Attention: Team Political Jack. Totally apolitical request for help

Marcus Aurelius

Governor
Supporting Member
Sometimes, all people in his situation need, is to know you are thinking about them, or praying for them, or there if they need anything. Some people are too proud to ask for help, even when they know they need it desperately. Offer politely when you can, make sure he understands it isn't just lip service. Respect his privacy if he wants it, share a few words if he wants that. Be a friend.

At some point in our lives, we all reach the stage where things are no longer given to us, but are taken away. It's just the way it is.

Also, keep yourself in mind as well.

I tell my scouts the following...

You have a lot of duties... Duty to your family, friends, children, classmates, community, God, yourself, all those things looking for a piece of your time. There has to be a pecking order. MY order may not be yours, but it serves me. Doesnt make me right and you wrong, or you right and me wrong, we're just different.

God
Self
everything else

Might sound self serving to put one's self so high on what is really a very long list...

but if you dont care for yourself physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, then you won't be strong enough, wise enough, smart enough, or really even care about taking care of others.
 
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Those are great thoughts as well, QT. Thank you for taking the time to ponder this and reach out.

It sure was a lot easier 20 years ago when I faced constant friend weddings rather than this stuff...not that it’s about me. It’s just so hard to find the right words (and deeds). A very somber birthday today...
Oh I know Rick, everything surrounding death is exhausting. I don't think that we ever recover from our first encounter with it - sometimes there simply are no words xxx

I always try to stay practical and light but, you say, his wife is protective and doing everything for him - it is hard then for others to just stand by and watch when they feel the need to do something to help.

I dunno there always seems to be a lot of laughter around the deaths I have been involved with. If they are saying that he has got 2 yrs ( though they are not God!) then he has got time to enjoy life still. It is his death for him alone to face, as we all must in time, meanwhile unless they fill him full of horrid drugs and shit, depending on hs personality, life isn't over for him yet xxx
 

Dawg

President
Supporting Member
My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
I know how you feel Rick, I've lost 8 due to cancer in the past year, a cousin, friends and one that for 60+ years that was more like a Brother than just a Friend and the latest one I've lost (week before last after almost 2 years of suffering) and honestly there's no correct answer. The one that was like a Brother on the onset straight up said don't go feeling sorry for me, treat me as we've treated each other for 60 years and don't you get down in the dumps. So that's what I did even when I could read the pain and concern in his eyes.

So just be Rick to Dave, it could be worse if that's possible, I've lost several to Dementia, Mom 4 years ago and at least the one's that passed with Cancer knew who I was when they passed.

Damn, for some odd reason the Cash song 'A boy named Sue' just stuck in my head, I guess GOD knew life was going to be tough and gave us the ability to handle this.

Prayers for Dave
'He may out live us all'
 

RickWA

Snagglesooth
I know how you feel Rick, I've lost 8 due to cancer in the past year, a cousin, friends and one that for 60+ years that was more like a Brother than just a Friend and the latest one I've lost (week before last after almost 2 years of suffering) and honestly there's no correct answer. The one that was like a Brother on the onset straight up said don't go feeling sorry for me, treat me as we've treated each other for 60 years and don't you get down in the dumps. So that's what I did even when I could read the pain and concern in his eyes.

So just be Rick to Dave, it could be worse if that's possible, I've lost several to Dementia, Mom 4 years ago and at least the one's that passed with Cancer knew who I was when they passed.

Damn, for some odd reason the Cash song 'A boy named Sue' just stuck in my head, I guess GOD knew life was going to be tough and gave us the ability to handle this.

Prayers for Dave
'He may out live us all'
Thank you, my friend. I guess one thing we really need to bear in mind is how blessed we are to have these friends and family in our lives in the first place.
 

Bernard_Fokke

Captain Fokke
Supporting Member
My neighbor, Dave, is a very fine man. We’ve never discussed politics even once. He is in his late 60’s and has been diagnosed with a bad, very aggressive form of “Mantle” lymphoma.

I can’t tell you how tired I am of losing friends to STINKING cancer.

He is projected to have 2 years at best. Now, I am a person of faith. He already knows that my entire family and network of friends are praying for him.

My oldest son lives far away, but the middle kid (while he is sequestered) wants to do all his yard work. My daughter will do his shopping. She’s 16.

My question to you folks is - what can we do to really help him? I mean, we can react and pull weeds and chase groceries on his ‘immuno-compromised ‘ behalf - - but what would YOU want? My experience is limited here. I think I would want sincerity and just genuine friendship - but he has that (and it is a trite offering). We will continue being his friends.

Any suggestions on what we can/should do? I don’t reach out much on this forum. We’re usually too busy beating each other up. If you have a thought, I’d love to hear it. This man - and his wife - are great people.

Thank you.
A lot of good sound advice in this thread, I lost my wife to breast cancer so I've lived at ground zero I'll assume his wife is his caregiver. she's going to need a break now and then. That would really help out both of them, I know.

Bless you for thinking of them and wanting to help.
 

RickWA

Snagglesooth
T
A lot of good sound advice in this thread, I lost my wife to breast cancer so I've lived at ground zero I'll assume his wife is his caregiver. she's going to need a break now and then. That would really help out both of them, I know.

Bless you for thinking of them and wanting to help.
Thank you, BF - and my condolences on the loss of your wife. Cancer steals from us like nothing else.
 

Dawg

President
Supporting Member
Thank you, my friend. I guess one thing we really need to bear in mind is how blessed we are to have these friends and family in our lives in the first place.
When you posted you daughter is 16, I was posting with you the night she was born...……...
 

Wahbooz

Governor
I appreciate your thoughts on this. It just seems like I've done this dance before. I'm just trying to see if there are things I haven't thought of - I mean, I know I don't have any control over the man's health outcome beyond prayers and helping him as best I can. Just frustrated. I just lost a dear friend to brain cancer a couple of months ago. It just seems like as soon as one passes, the next one is queued up. :-(
It'll never seem like enough to you, Rick. You'll always think there was something else you should have done. But you know what? That is the sign of a good heart.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for a friend.

I think that is what you're doing.
 

RickWA

Snagglesooth
When you posted you daughter is 16, I was posting with you the night she was born...……...
I remember. I also recall talking with you on the phone during my oldest son’s 5th Grade football practice. He’s now 25 and lives in downtown SF. Time moves FAST.
 

RickWA

Snagglesooth
It'll never seem like enough to you, Rick. You'll always think there was something else you should have done. But you know what? That is the sign of a good heart.

John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for a friend.

I think that is what you're doing.
Thank you for those very kind words. I don’t know that I’m terribly good at living up to them, but thank you, Wahbooz.
 

TBLee

Governor
It sounds like you have been given some great advice from those on this forum. We recently lost a very good friend to cancer. We had been friends for over 40 years. Its never easy. He was so strong, and was wanting to talk about the cancer, and the diagnosis and answer questions, but he also made it clear that we would talk about it, and then put it aside and enjoy whatever time we all had to share without cancer being the only focus. Sending kind thoughts your way. You are a good friend.
 

RickWA

Snagglesooth
It sounds like you have been given some great advice from those on this forum. We recently lost a very good friend to cancer. We had been friends for over 40 years. Its never easy. He was so strong, and was wanting to talk about the cancer, and the diagnosis and answer questions, but he also made it clear that we would talk about it, and then put it aside and enjoy whatever time we all had to share without cancer being the only focus. Sending kind thoughts your way. You are a good friend.
Thank you, TB. Yesterday evening I attacked his yard (weeds were overtaking over his property - and most tragically his blueberry bushes). I think I’ve settled in on just being the best friend/neighbor I can be, and then tackling as many little chores for him as I can so that he can focus on enjoyment of life, his wife, his friendships, etc. It’s not profound, but it’s something.
 

TBLee

Governor
Thank you, TB. Yesterday evening I attacked his yard (weeds were overtaking over his property - and most tragically his blueberry bushes). I think I’ve settled in on just being the best friend/neighbor I can be, and then tackling as many little chores for him as I can so that he can focus on enjoyment of life, his wife, his friendships, etc. It’s not profound, but it’s something.
Rick, it is apparent that you are a very caring person.
 

PNWest

America's BEST American: Impartial and Bipartisan
Thank you, TB. Yesterday evening I attacked his yard (weeds were overtaking over his property - and most tragically his blueberry bushes). I think I’ve settled in on just being the best friend/neighbor I can be, and then tackling as many little chores for him as I can so that he can focus on enjoyment of life, his wife, his friendships, etc. It’s not profound, but it’s something.
Hang in there Rick. You're doing great. He's lucky to have a friend like you.
 
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