Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my AR-15 right in the doorway. I fed it a 30 round magazine, leaving the chamber empty; I even placed it in a wheelchair to help it get around. I then left it alone and went about my business. While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign right in front of our house. After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there in the wheelchair, right where I had left it. It hadn't rolled itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. You can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people. Either the media is wrong and it's the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world. Well, I'm off to check on my dinner plates. I hear they're making people fat.