1. Florida Man attempts to smoke crack in ICU, almost burns down hospital. Northwest Florida Daily News: "A 54-year-old man was arrested on Christmas Eve after allegedly taking 'crack cocaine' into the Intensive Care Unit at North Okaloosa Medical Center to share with a patient there. A fire broke out when the patient, who was on oxygen, tried to smoke the cocaine from a homemade smoking device. 'The potential was there for a lot of damage,' said Crestview police Lt. Donald Fountain. 'It could have been a lot worse.'" 2. Florida Man flashes buttocks at IHOP after impersonating a police officer to get free food. International Business Times: "Matt Skytta, 55, entered the IHOP around 1 a.m. Friday and told a server who asked if he had money, 'No, but I am a cop, and I get food for free,' according to a police report obtained by the Orlando Sentinel . He then threatened to beat up the IHOP server and shouted, 'Hey buddy!' before dropping his pants and exposing his buttocks to the IHOP employee, according to the Sentinel ." 3. Florida Man bites off neighbor's ear because he wouldn't give him a cigarette. CBS 12: "'I was helping a friend out and someone decided they wanted to take a chunk out of my ear,' said John Ott, the man who says he was bitten. 'This all started because I wouldn't give him a cigarette. He comes up puts me in a bear hug and next thing I know he's biting my ear.' Ott tells CBS 12 News his 'biting' neighbor yells threats across the street continuously. Ott plans to file for a restraining order." 4. Florida man claims wife was kidnapped by holograms. Huffington Post: "The man, whose name has not been released, was 'extremely agitated' and holding a baseball bat when officials arrived. He told them that 'the men' abducted his wife and that 'they used holograms to project signals on the walls to get him to do what they wanted and to communicate with each other,' according to a sheriff's report. "The responding deputy located the woman in question, who was at a nearby mobile home with the man's aunt. The aunt told investigators that the woman was drunk, and that no one had chased her." 5. Drunk Florida Man attempts to ride bike through Taco Bell drive-thru, fights with police. Daytona Beach News-Journal: "According to the report, Taco Bell workers called police at 3:10 a.m. Sunday after Harris and a woman, both intoxicated, would not leave the restaurant. Police found Harris on a bicycle by the menu speaker, a report states. As police were asking Harris to leave, they spotted a red Swiss Army knife on Harris' belt loop and tried to reach for it. Harris grabbed the officer's wrist and Harris was wrestled to the ground and handcuffed. Harris suffered a scraped forehead, police said." 6. Florida Man inches closer to one-way trip to Mars. ABC Action News: "A 43-year-old self-employed Tampa man has made it past the first hurdle in a selection process to potentially choose the first team to attempt not only a manned mission to the planet Mars, but its colonization. "'My heart is there, you know? I want to be a part of this mission,' [he] said. [His] girlfriend said she supports his goal of relocating permanently to Mars. 'If he should go, of course I would be sad, but it's not my style to stand in front of somebody's dream,' she said." 7. Florida Man holds up Domino's delivery man over pizza and wings. Clayton News Daily: "A Florida man held in Clayton County Jail has been indicted in the July alleged theft of pizza, wings and cash. Prosecutors allege Mack robbed a Domino's Pizza delivery man of pizza, chicken wings and cash at gunpoint July 31." 8. Florida Man escapes adult novelty store with $300 Jenna Jameson doll in tow. Sorry, Jenna. Vincent Sandoval/Getty Images The Smoking Gun: "The suspect walked up to the counter of the Inner Secrets shop in Vero Beach and asked worker Cathryn Morales 'some questions about the doll.' Following the perp's question time, he 'grabbed the doll off the counter and ran out of the store' without paying for the product. While the Jenna Jameson doll is not further described by investigators, it appears likely that the stolen item was the 'Jenna Jameson Extreme Doll,' a battery-powered model in the likeness of the 39-year-old porn star. Along with a 'vibrating ultra soft mouth,' the full-size Jameson doll, its manufacturer notes, features 'an exquisite lifelike removable pussy and ass.'" 9. Florida Man steals 850 pairs of underwear from Victoria's Secret. NBC Miami: "'In November of 2013, [Espinosa] stole 300 pieces of Dream Angels women's underwear,' [a judge] said, reading from a report on the case. Espinosa said he has no money in the bank and has lived in South Florida his whole life. 'Thank you,' the judge told Espinosa as he concluded the hearing. 'Don't come back to Victoria's Secret.'" 10. Florida Man really, really wants to force a jury to watch his sex tape. Sun-Sentinel: "The South Florida man wants to introduce sex tapes and intimate photographs of himself and his wife as evidence in his criminal trial to try to prove that his marriage was real and not just undertaken for immigration purposes. [He] hopes to undermine the prosecution's allegation that he lied about details of his marriage to a Cuban woman to get permanent resident status here. The 25-year U.S. resident said he has visible proof that the couple had a genuine marriage."