Undated photo of Leon Trotsky welcoming 2 inmates
to a Russian women's prison. Not shown: Brittney Griner
I’m not sure about the spelling here, to be honest. Who can tell with that crazy Russian alphabet: half the letters are backwards, and the other half are either numbers or greek frat symbols.
Okay, I get it. Putin is making good on his promise that there can be no gays in Russia. Apparently ordinary Russian fans of the Skinhead Women’s Basketball Collective are perfectly okay with shipping Brittney off to Siberia,. Presumably because they’re outraged at not having known how she spends her time off court. Well, Russia does have a censored internet. A recent study confirmed that 35% of Russians are convinced the sun orbits the earth, and fully 95% think Russia is winning the Ukraine war (these are both really true). The other 5% are awaiting trial.
Putin evidently wants to trade Brittney for some Russian arms dealer currently in US prison, plus a polonium-toting assassin to be named later. In related news, a Russian diplomat who denounced the Ukraine war 6 months ago and fled to Europe, has been hospitalized “in a persistent vegetative state with his eyes open.” He’s not radioactive, so whatever Putin used on THIS guy is a different concoction.
Friends and family of Brittney: I apologize if this satire has caused you additional distress. I’m sure that we are all praying Brittney is returned to America, and the convicted Russian arms dealer gets to go back to his old job in Russia too.
Brittney didn’t deserve what happened to her, even if she was woefully ignorant about the fundamental differences between the USA and a dictatorial regime.
The rest of you WNBA players, heads up! Think twice about your desire to make a quick ruble in one of the most hellish places in earth.
You’re in our thoughts and prayers, Britney.