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Bumpersnickers

freyasman

Senator
https://oldnfo.org/2018/07/31/bumpersnickers-2/
From the link;
"Bumpersnickers…
Posted on 2018/07/31 by OldNFO


* WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

* I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

* Don’t take life too seriously: You’re not getting out alive, anyway.

* I got a gun for my wife. Best trade I ever made.

* So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute!

* Anyone can give up smoking, but it takes a REAL man to face cancer.

* I need someone really bad… Are you really bad?

* To all you virgins…. thanks for nothing.

* I’m not a complete idiot: Some parts are missing.

* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

* My kid had sex with your honor student.

* If something goes without saying, LET IT!

* Help wanted telepathy: you know where to apply.

* Jesus paid for our sins… Now, lets get our money’s worth!

* I don’t have to be dead to donate my organ. Want it?

* WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.

* I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather .. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

* God loves stupid people. That’s why he made so many.

* I said “NO” to drugs… but they just WOULDN’T listen.

* I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

* P.E.T.A.: People Eating Tasty Animals.

* When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like The IRS.

* Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.

* When there’s a Will, I want to be in it!

* If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

* Time is the best teacher Unfortunately it kills all its students!

* Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal !

* Warning: Dates on Calendar are closer than they appear.

* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

* Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump, and spill your drink.

* Elvis is dead, and I’m not feeling so marvelous myself.

* Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

* Very funny, Scotty… Now beam down my clothes!

* Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

* Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

* I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."
 
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