as seen on tv
Senator
Photo above - Hollywood's conception of a Finnish Rock Band in "Earth Girls Are Easy". Featuring Jim Carrey, Damon Wayans, and Jeff Goldblum.
Not shown - any actual Finnish film which appears on Xfinity.
Imagine someone winning the Oscar for “best director” 6 years in a row. Has to be the world's greatest, right? Or possibly the academy is off it's rocker? Or bribed?
Finland are repeat winners of “Happiest Nation on Earth” - 6 times!!! What comes after 3- peat, 4 peat, and 5 peat? Hmmm . . . a double-endre?
I've never visited Finland. Would definitely consider it. 5 million people. Fewer than NYC or Los Angeles. Spread out over 130,000 square miles. About the same area as Montana. Which has even fewer people. Montana was just awarded “Happiest State in America”. Hmmm . . .is there POSSIBLY some sort of hidden connection here? I'm going to dodge any problematic deconstruction of racial homogeneity and church attendance, which make Finland look alarmingly like our own beloved Montana.
Even without the demographic similarities, Finland strikes me as a place that probably scrubs the graffiti off their subways immediately, if any appears. And if it does, it's just some poseur Finnish kids trying to “act American”. Finland picks up the trash on time. Nobody is bum rushing Finland's border for entry, to escape some drug cartel regime south of their border. (see paragraph below on Russia).
Okay, so Finland is homogenous and rural. Some people might claim diversity is oversold. I have the same attitude toward "happiness".
But happy people ARE fun to meet in a bar. Nicer than obnoxious drunks revving the engines in their F150's, or showing up the front of the club for a drive-by in a stolen Nissan Altima. I don't get the sense that Finland has Lutheran Supremacists who are mixing it up with some other gang.
Happy people don't tend to write deeply introspective literature, though. And irrational exuberance (happiness) also seems at odds with western stereotypes of Scandinavia. Which is (allegedly) a hard drinking, suicide prone place to live. Quick – name a Finnish product you bought recently other than Finlandia “craft vodka”? Russians recently have been immigrating to Finland, but that's not the reason for all the drinking. Vodka consumption per capita in Scandinavia has been off the charts for decades and decades. Maybe US mental health professionals should pivot from LSD experiments to clear, neutral, distilled grain spirits in order to calm OUR fevered minds, eh?
Places like Russia and China will of course claim that THEY rank high on the “happiness Richter scale”. But I trust that about as much as I do a “special operation” to de-nazify Ukraine. Or claims that Taiwan desperately needs to be reunified.
Ancient Greece once was the happiest place on earth. Then Rome conquered it. The Romans themselves – those who weren't slaves, or gladiators, or centurions stationed in the violent, remote parts of the empire – would probably have described themselves as reasonably happy. Then Catholics appeared, invented Vatican City, and Italy began a downward spiral. Ever since the Pope threatened to torture Galileo to death for reporting what he saw in his telescope.
For several decades, Walt Disney World was the happiest place on (American) planet Earth. Until admission prices went through the roof, and there was a 45 minute line for each attraction. ("Mom - can we get another corn-dog while we wait? They're only $10 . . . ")
Back to the connection between the arts, and happiness. Finland has won the Nobel prize in literature just once over the past 120 years. France, Tanzania, and the USA have won most recently. These are not happy places. I stopped looking at American winners when I saw that Bob Dylan took the nobel lit prize in 2016. For his . . . songs???? No one song in particular. Collectively all those best-selling albums. Filled with sadness and despair. That award made ME unhappy, to be frank. ("A hard rain's gonna fall " . .. "If you see her, say hello . . ")
Finland's ONLY Nobel Literature prize was awarded in 1939, just before they were invaded by Russia. This was part of the Stalin's deal with Hitler to divide up Europe. The award-winning book is “The Maid Silja”. Reviewers say it's a depressing story: An unlucky peasant family endures endless tragedies - then the heroine dies alone and in poverty. Now THAT's more like what I would expect of the Scandinavian soul. Right in line with the Swedish film “Wild Strawberries”. The Maid Silja is currently out of print, and UNavailable from Amazon. So much for Nobel prize literature which isn't in English, eh? Go try and find it at your public library. I dare you.
The 2023 Nobel prize in literature will be awarded later this year. The nominations are “secret”, (in quotes because there a plenty of leaks). Here are the nations which have the most authors nominated:
USA – 13 (!!) (but none from Montana, apparently)
Britain – 8
France – 6
Ireland - 4
Germany - 4
Russia - 4
China – 3
Japan – 3 (which has an entire enchanted forest which people flock to, for suicide)
And a bunch of other countries. But Finland? - zero again! I guess this is what happens when your peasants stop enduring tragic lives, and you haven't been invaded by Russia in recent memory. Norway is a NATO member, and 4 of their authors are Nobel nominees this year. Go figure!
Wait a couple years, I guess. Finland could be admitted to NATO, and this might trigger a literary renaissance. But I'm guessing somebody in Ukraine will probably win before Finland: “Поховайте моє серце в Бахмуті”? (Bury my heart at Wounded Bakhmut)
I'm considering a trip to Montana, actually. To see firsthand what all the boredom and happiness is about.
