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In case I die tomorrow

Days

Commentator
Remember that goofy prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep..."? I was always one to be happy to go, any night running, would have been fine with me. Such is the mood of a loner. I tried to sleep with both my wives, but that only works in a king sized bed and I was always poor. Now I'm old and poor. With old age comes pain. And one of the biggest pains is rememberring the stupid things we did and ways we thought in our lives. Today, I live for my wife and son, they need me, at least, I think they do.

I find myself wondering how they would survive if something happened to me. I feel I've woefully let them down, except for faith, I know they will go on believing and trusting. Maybe that was the most important thing to leave them.

We have 3 fish aquariums. Living plants, living moss balls, snails, pretty fish, it's a lot of work but living things keep you company, keep your spirits up. The wife runs a nursery, I send her the water I extract when I clean the gravel, the plants thrive on it, we had a geranium bloom in February, pretty cool experience. Thing is, you get something from living creatures, that the dead furniture doesn't supply. If I die tomorrow, the furniture I built will easily last my son's entire life, but I'm not sure he knows how to care for the fish... the fish give you a big boost, I am afraid they will lose the life they offer, the interaction, they add a big dimension to the home.

That's what I worry about. I worry about what kind of life they will have left. If I lost either of them, it would kill me. This physical life has to end sooner or later, but I always thought it would be alright as long as I got all the furniture built (that's a metaphor) but now I realize, it isn't the furniture that was most important, it's the fish tanks and the plants... its the life, and how will any two of us survive without the 3rd?

If I had the chance to write a note to my younger self, that's what I would have written to myself... focus more on the life, on living things. Instead of fretting over the dead stuff. Maybe I can still learn that.

 
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Jen

Trump 2020
Remember that goofy prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep..."? I was always one to be happy to go, any night running, would have been fine with me. Such is the mood of a loner. I tried to sleep with both my wives, but that only works in a king sized bed and I was always poor. Now I'm old and poor. With old age comes pain. But I live for my wife and son, they need me, at least, I think they do.

I find myself wondering how they would survive if something happened to me. I feel I've woefully let them down, except for faith, I know they will go on believing and trusting. Maybe that was the most important thing to leave them.

We have 3 fish aquariums. Living plants, living moss balls, snails, pretty fish, it's a lot of work but living things keep you company, keep your spirits up. The wife runs a nursery, I send her the water I extract when I clean the gravel, the plants thrive on it, we had a geranium bloom in February, pretty cool experience. Thing is, you get something from living creatures, that the dead furniture doesn't supply. If I die tomorrow, the furniture I built will easily last my son's entire life, but I'm not sure he knows how to care for the fish... the fish give you a big boost, I am afraid they will lose the life they offer, the interaction, they add a big dimension to the home.

That's what I worry about. I worry about what kind of life they will have left. If I lost either of them, it would kill me. This physical life has to end sooner or later, but I always thought it would be alright as long as I got all the furniture built (that's a metaphor) but now I realize, it isn't the furniture that was most important, it's the fish tanks and the plants... its the life, and how will any two of us survive without the 3rd?

If I had the chance to write a note to my younger self, that's what I would have written to myself... focus more on the life, on living things. Instead of fretting over the dead stuff. Maybe I can still learn that.

I plan to die before anyone in my immediate family. That's just how it should be. I have told them all that when I die, it's okay. It is well with my soul. Family and friends shouldn't be sad for more than a day..........life goes on and I'm fine on the "other side". There is nothing I leave that they can't do. I believe that they will take care of my cats and I think they will feed my feral cats. They will enjoy the fruits of my life insurance policy and their familial interaction is solid with or without me.

Whenever I go, I have tied up the loose ends enough that everything can continue without me. Not sure anyone here will be notified. My family doesn't feel that my friends here matter or are real friends. So that might be one dangling end. But I'm not sure anyone here will notice I'm gone, so it's all good.
 

Days

Commentator
I plan to die before anyone in my immediate family. That's just how it should be. I have told them all that when I die, it's okay. It is well with my soul. Family and friends shouldn't be sad for more than a day..........life goes on and I'm fine on the "other side". There is nothing I leave that they can't do. I believe that they will take care of my cats and I think they will feed my feral cats. They will enjoy the fruits of my life insurance policy and their familial interaction is solid with or without me.

Whenever I go, I have tied up the loose ends enough that everything can continue without me. Not sure anyone here will be notified. My family doesn't feel that my friends here matter or are real friends. So that might be one dangling end. But I'm not sure anyone here will notice I'm gone, so it's all good.
I learned something from arguing with these people over the past dozen or 13 years... I learned to stop arguing with these people... there's so much more to be gained from interacting with them, sharing about real life. Arguing over politics, science, religion ... it never ends and it never changes anything. But then you go into a thread and get to see someone's grand children and your heart grows, and you realize why God really brought you here. It wasn't to do great things, it was to do little things, lots and lots of little things, every day, like making the coffee, that was the real reason for coming here.

I'll miss you, Jen... everyone here will. We are your pen pals.
 

Wahbooz

Governor
Remember that goofy prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep..."? I was always one to be happy to go, any night running, would have been fine with me. Such is the mood of a loner. I tried to sleep with both my wives, but that only works in a king sized bed and I was always poor. Now I'm old and poor. With old age comes pain. And one of the biggest pains is rememberring the stupid things we did and ways we thought in our lives. Today, I live for my wife and son, they need me, at least, I think they do.

I find myself wondering how they would survive if something happened to me. I feel I've woefully let them down, except for faith, I know they will go on believing and trusting. Maybe that was the most important thing to leave them.

We have 3 fish aquariums. Living plants, living moss balls, snails, pretty fish, it's a lot of work but living things keep you company, keep your spirits up. The wife runs a nursery, I send her the water I extract when I clean the gravel, the plants thrive on it, we had a geranium bloom in February, pretty cool experience. Thing is, you get something from living creatures, that the dead furniture doesn't supply. If I die tomorrow, the furniture I built will easily last my son's entire life, but I'm not sure he knows how to care for the fish... the fish give you a big boost, I am afraid they will lose the life they offer, the interaction, they add a big dimension to the home.

That's what I worry about. I worry about what kind of life they will have left. If I lost either of them, it would kill me. This physical life has to end sooner or later, but I always thought it would be alright as long as I got all the furniture built (that's a metaphor) but now I realize, it isn't the furniture that was most important, it's the fish tanks and the plants... its the life, and how will any two of us survive without the 3rd?

If I had the chance to write a note to my younger self, that's what I would have written to myself... focus more on the life, on living things. Instead of fretting over the dead stuff. Maybe I can still learn that.

For someone who is not Anishnaabe, Days, you understand. It is the living things of this world, the 'dead' things are in a different world, and that world comes soon enough.
 

fairsheet

Senator
That Mr. Garfunkel's thoughts appear to've been jotted down on a blank envelope that I'm sure he just found ready to hand, tells me a heckuva lot about him, and adds untold value to his thoughts.

In the past, I've hinted that my late parents are watching over me from somewhere "above". But what if I'm wrong? What if they're just "ashes to ashes"? Well...in that case, it must be their legacy that's guided (and haunted!) me. And if that's the case, what difference does it make if they're "up there", or simply in the ground?
 

Days

Commentator
That Mr. Garfunkel's thoughts appear to've been jotted down on a blank envelope that I'm sure he just found ready to hand, tells me a heckuva lot about him, and adds untold value to his thoughts.

In the past, I've hinted that my late parents are watching over me from somewhere "above". But what if I'm wrong? What if they're just "ashes to ashes"? Well...in that case, it must be their legacy that's guided (and haunted!) me. And if that's the case, what difference does it make if they're "up there", or simply in the ground?
My dad passed 3 summers back, we almost lost my mom this winter, but she seems to be holding on for the moment, but she's skin and bones... could go any time. I know what you mean, the haunting you go through. I feel it too, especially since I wasn't at all happy with my dad, never forgave him for his deeds and never expect to, I literally fight with his spirit, even in my dreams. I had a strange dream with him that prompted this top post. My dad believed he would cease to exist after he died, so I wish his spirit would leave me the hell alone! It's funny, he told me how he fell asleep in the waiting room while they emergency operated to pull the bursted appendix out of my sister, and at the moment my sister died, she cried out to him in his sleep "daddy!" and he woke up and tried to get into the operating room, like they do in the movies, but he lived in total denial of what that experience should have shown him.
 

fairsheet

Senator
My dad passed 3 summers back, we almost lost my mom this winter, but she seems to be holding on for the moment, but she's skin and bones... could go any time. I know what you mean, the haunting you go through. I feel it too, especially since I wasn't at all happy with my dad, never forgave him for his deeds and never expect to, I literally fight with his spirit, even in my dreams. I had a strange dream with him that prompted this top post. My dad believed he would cease to exist after he died, so I wish his spirit would leave me the hell alone! It's funny, he told me how he fell asleep in the waiting room while they emergency operated to pull the bursted appendix out of my sister, and at the moment my sister died, she cried out to him in his sleep "daddy!" and he woke up and tried to get into the operating room, like they do in the movies, but he lived in total denial of what that experience should have shown him.
Perhaps I should clarify my "haunting". Even as we think of crows as existing in flocks, they actually live in but pairs, in their own nests and territories. The flock thing, is merely one of their many social affects.

So...a pair of crows lives in MY yard. I like to think of this pair as the physical manifestation of my late parents. Now and again, for instance when I used to go outside and sneak a cigarette, one or the other of those crows would caw at me incessantly, from a high place. To my mind, that was one of my parents giving me the "what for"!
 

Days

Commentator
Perhaps I should clarify my "haunting". Even as we think of crows as existing in flocks, they actually live in but pairs, in their own nests and territories. The flock thing, is merely one of their many social affects.

So...a pair of crows lives in MY yard. I like to think of this pair as the physical manifestation of my late parents. Now and again, for instance when I used to go outside and sneak a cigarette, one or the other of those crows would caw at me incessantly, from a high place. To my mind, that was one of my parents giving me the "what for"!
Sounds worse than what I'm going through. No manifestation for me to deal with, as yet. At least you only have to deal with crows, be glad they aren't hoot owls.

About a dozen years ago, one night, my ulcer kicked up bad, I went through what felt like the throes of death, worst ulcer attack ever, had to drag the wife and kid to the emergency room at 3 in the morning. Next day, I asked the wife to check and see if her mom had died, it felt like I was experiencing someone passing. It wasn't her mom, it was her grandpa... he had a bad ulcer too.
 

fairsheet

Senator
Sounds worse than what I'm going through. No manifestation for me to deal with, as yet. At least you only have to deal with crows, be glad they aren't hoot owls.

About a dozen years ago, one night, my ulcer kicked up bad, I went through what felt like the throes of death, worst ulcer attack ever, had to drag the wife and kid to the emergency room at 3 in the morning. Next day, I asked the wife to check and see if her mom had died, it felt like I was experiencing someone passing. It wasn't her mom, it was her grandpa... he had a bad ulcer too.
I was in NYC over the last several weeks, attending to my brain cancerous sister's dying in hospice. I'd spend the day there and her husband would spend the night. One morning I woke at around 4AM and felt compelled to head straight on up there. She had passed on at around 3:30AM. I'm not sure I really believe in all that "premonition" crap but........
 

Days

Commentator
I was in NYC over the last several weeks, attending to my brain cancerous sister's dying in hospice. I'd spend the day there and her husband would spend the night. One morning I woke at around 4AM and felt compelled to head straight on up there. She had passed on at around 3:30AM. I'm not sure I really believe in all that "premonition" crap but........
I was raised on hard science, so there was no spirit world, then I go into the Christian religion and they are all old testament like everything is witchcraft and evil, today I realize that spirits are terribly plentiful, and we sense them because we are spirits... duh.

I grew up playing chess with my dad and we would mix up a black pawn and a white pawn behind our backs and the other would choose to see which color to play. Well, it wasn't fair, cuz my dad could feel where the white pawn was, he never chose black except once when something was happening to break his concentration and he was more concerned with that then getting the white pawn. But if wanted that white pawn, he picked it... every time. We played hundreds of games of chess with my dad, he taught all 4 boys the game... and if he was picking the pawn, he was white. guaranteed. I still prefer to play black today because I'm so used to playing black.

One other family story, besides the one I just told Gigi in your thread on faith. During the Vietnam war my first cousin worked radar on a Cruiser in the Navy. 12 hours on, 12 hours off, but it was all hands on deck during refueling because thats when the ship is most vulnerable. One night they refueled and my cousin ended up working 36 straight hours. That night he slept through battle! (impossible to do) My grandma in Ohio was scared to death for her oldest grandson in Vietnam that night, tried in vain to find out from the Navy what was happening to him in the war. She felt he was in grave danger. The next morning my cousin woke and the Cruiser's sister ship next to them in the water had their entire bridge wiped clean off the ship in the battle. My cousin worked in the bridge, was supposed to be in the bridge during that battle, now this didn't happen to his ship, but his ship was in the same battle, so it easily could have been them, lady luck decided. Thing is, my grandma only felt this that one time and that was the only time my cousin was in battle.

I'd ask them crows, "what do you want from me?" ... and expect an answer.
 

fairsheet

Senator
I was raised on hard science, so there was no spirit world, then I go into the Christian religion and they are all old testament like everything is witchcraft and evil, today I realize that spirits are terribly plentiful, and we sense them because we are spirits... duh.

I grew up playing chess with my dad and we would mix up a black pawn and a white pawn behind our backs and the other would choose to see which color to play. Well, it wasn't fair, cuz my dad could feel where the white pawn was, he never chose black except once when something was happening to break his concentration and he was more concerned with that then getting the white pawn. But if wanted that white pawn, he picked it... every time. We played hundreds of games of chess with my dad, he taught all 4 boys the game... and if he was picking the pawn, he was white. guaranteed. I still prefer to play black today because I'm so used to playing black.

One other family story, besides the one I just told Gigi in your thread on faith. During the Vietnam war my first cousin worked radar on a Cruiser in the Navy. 12 hours on, 12 hours off, but it was all hands on deck during refueling because thats when the ship is most vulnerable. One night they refueled and my cousin ended up working 36 straight hours. That night he slept through battle! (impossible to do) My grandma in Ohio was scared to death for her oldest grandson in Vietnam that night, tried in vain to find out from the Navy what was happening to him in the war. She felt he was in grave danger. The next morning my cousin woke and the Cruiser's sister ship next to them in the water had their entire bridge wiped clean off the ship in the battle. My cousin worked in the bridge, was supposed to be in the bridge during that battle, now this didn't happen to his ship, but his ship was in the same battle, so it easily could have been them, lady luck decided. Thing is, my grandma only felt this that one time and that was the only time my cousin was in battle.

I'd ask them crows, "what do you want from me?" ... and expect an answer.
Two things....first of all, it could very well be that your father "intuited" that white pawn, from a series of "tells" that you boys were utterly unaware of. Second of all....given the number of sailors who've served in battle and the number of deadly incidents, the math says that it's inevitable that a story such as your cousin's would go down.

But...at least from my perspective, what difference does it make - if something is spirit-centric or merely earthly? Here on earth and in earth time, these questions can never be answered beyond a doubt. So then, we're left to chose whatever answer we like better. And as far as I'm concerned, I like the spirit-centric answer better.
 

Days

Commentator
Two things....first of all, it could very well be that your father "intuited" that white pawn, from a series of "tells" that you boys were utterly unaware of. Second of all....given the number of sailors who've served in battle and the number of deadly incidents, the math says that it's inevitable that a story such as your cousin's would go down.

But...at least from my perspective, what difference does it make - if something is spirit-centric or merely earthly? Here on earth and in earth time, these questions can never be answered beyond a doubt. So then, we're left to chose whatever answer we like better. And as far as I'm concerned, I like the spirit-centric answer better.
oh man, did we ever make damn sure we had no idea which hand the white pawn was in and which hand the black pawn was in, behind our backs and oh man, did we ever make damn sure he couldn't see the pawns... this happened to us our whole lives and we wanted to make him miss so bad, we tried everything, think about nothing, concentrate to one side, stare straight at the son-of-a-bitch... you just couldn't derail his concentration. My dad got the esp through his mom; I think this stuff is hereditary. I'm sensitive, always was, I had spiritual experiences before I became a Christian, in fact, it was one such experience that caused me to become a Christian. I was running alongside a giant tumbleweed in Lubbock, TX, one with the spirit, after about 5 miles I sat down in this open field and there was God (not visible or audible, just there) - so I said to him, "So, you are real after all". Sat there for about an hour in silence. I get up to leave and I ask, "which faith should I serve you with?" - because i knew about the world faiths and I figure that's what he wants from me. He said, "run after the old Jesus story" - and I did. I was actually surprised, I was thinking Baha'i or Zero Asterism, but wasn't about to argue. walked the 5 miles back home.
 

fairsheet

Senator
oh man, did we ever make damn sure we had no idea which hand the white pawn was in and which hand the black pawn was in, behind our backs and oh man, did we ever make damn sure he couldn't see the pawns... this happened to us our whole lives and we wanted to make him miss so bad, we tried everything, think about nothing, concentrate to one side, stare straight at the son-of-a-bitch... you just couldn't derail his concentration. My dad got the esp through his mom; I think this stuff is hereditary. I'm sensitive, always was, I had spiritual experiences before I became a Christian, in fact, it was one such experience that caused me to become a Christian. I was running alongside a giant tumbleweed in Lubbock, TX, one with the spirit, after about 5 miles I sat down in this open field and there was God (not visible or audible, just there) - so I said to him, "So, you are real after all". Sat there for about an hour in silence. I get up to leave and I ask, "which faith should I serve you with?" - because i knew about the world faiths and I figure that's what he wants from me. He said, "run after the old Jesus story" - and I did. I was actually surprised, I was thinking Baha'i or Zero Asterism, but wasn't about to argue. walked the 5 miles back home.
Did you ever try holding two black pawns?...or howzabout this.....paint the white pawn black and vice versa?
 

Days

Commentator
Did you ever try holding two black pawns?...or howzabout this.....paint the white pawn black and vice versa?
my dad would've hurt us, he was military, not to be messed with. Ever see the Air Force Drill team perform? My dad was an Air Force Drill team commander. precision, snap, perfection, performance... or else!
 

fairsheet

Senator
my dad would've hurt us, he was military, not to be messed with. Ever see the Air Force Drill team perform? My dad was an Air Force Drill team commander. precision, snap, perfection, performance... or else!
My Dad was a product of parochial schools and was a retired USN officer. Fortunately for us, he seemed to have an awareness of the ups and downs of all that and tried not to visit the downs on us.

But...there WERE exceptions! When we were told to do something, we were expected to do it and lying was a "capital offense".
 

Days

Commentator
My Dad was a product of parochial schools and was a retired USN officer. Fortunately for us, he seemed to have an awareness of the ups and downs of all that and tried not to visit the downs on us.

But...there WERE exceptions! When we were told to do something, we were expected to do it and lying was a "capital offense".
I hear ya, oh boy, do I hear ya. I never lied to my dad, that would have been the end of life on planet earth for my little butt. I think my dad tried to insulate us from the evils of the world, but he was also 100% Italian, complete with a temper that went off like a starter gun in track meets.
 

Days

Commentator
For someone who is not Anishnaabe, Days, you understand. It is the living things of this world, the 'dead' things are in a different world, and that world comes soon enough.
I just told my wife - who is roughly 10% Aztec - what your T-shirt reads in your nick icon... she just said one word, "Awesome!!!!"

We have always let the dead bury the dead. So much of life to live, got no time for dead heads, dead issues, deadly worries, if one of my fish dies, the snails usually get 'em before I can flush 'em away. Life goes on.

 

Wahbooz

Governor
I just told my wife - who is roughly 10% Aztec - what your T-shirt reads in your nick icon... she just said one word, "Awesome!!!!"
I got a dresser full of them.

We have always let the dead bury the dead. So much of life to live, got no time for dead heads, dead issues, deadly worries, if one of my fish dies, the snails usually get 'em before I can flush 'em away. Life goes on.
That's right, life goes on, one circle to the next. Great video by the way.
 

Wahbooz

Governor
I plan to die before anyone in my immediate family. That's just how it should be. I have told them all that when I die, it's okay. It is well with my soul. Family and friends shouldn't be sad for more than a day..........life goes on and I'm fine on the "other side". There is nothing I leave that they can't do. I believe that they will take care of my cats and I think they will feed my feral cats. They will enjoy the fruits of my life insurance policy and their familial interaction is solid with or without me.

Whenever I go, I have tied up the loose ends enough that everything can continue without me. Not sure anyone here will be notified. My family doesn't feel that my friends here matter or are real friends. So that might be one dangling end. But I'm not sure anyone here will notice I'm gone, so it's all good.
You may be surprised, Jen.

 

Days

Commentator
You may be surprised, Jen.

I am a decillion toxic nanoparticles of pollution sprayed into your sky to bring you where I am... heh.

they used to put this on tombstones in Roman times:

As you are, I used to be
As I am, you will become
 
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