Great testimony, thank you.Remember that goofy prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep..."? I was always one to be happy to go, any night running, would have been fine with me. Such is the mood of a loner. I tried to sleep with both my wives, but that only works in a king sized bed and I was always poor. Now I'm old and poor. With old age comes pain. And one of the biggest pains is rememberring the stupid things we did and ways we thought in our lives. Today, I live for my wife and son, they need me, at least, I think they do.
I find myself wondering how they would survive if something happened to me. I feel I've woefully let them down, except for faith, I know they will go on believing and trusting. Maybe that was the most important thing to leave them.
We have 3 fish aquariums. Living plants, living moss balls, snails, pretty fish, it's a lot of work but living things keep you company, keep your spirits up. The wife runs a nursery, I send her the water I extract when I clean the gravel, the plants thrive on it, we had a geranium bloom in February, pretty cool experience. Thing is, you get something from living creatures, that the dead furniture doesn't supply. If I die tomorrow, the furniture I built will easily last my son's entire life, but I'm not sure he knows how to care for the fish... the fish give you a big boost, I am afraid they will lose the life they offer, the interaction, they add a big dimension to the home.
That's what I worry about. I worry about what kind of life they will have left. If I lost either of them, it would kill me. This physical life has to end sooner or later, but I always thought it would be alright as long as I got all the furniture built (that's a metaphor) but now I realize, it isn't the furniture that was most important, it's the fish tanks and the plants... its the life, and how will any two of us survive without the 3rd?
If I had the chance to write a note to my younger self, that's what I would have written to myself... focus more on the life, on living things. Instead of fretting over the dead stuff. Maybe I can still learn that.