as seen on tv
Senator
This is
All things are possible.
In case anyone wasn’t paying attention, this is "battlefield tactics for dummies" 101. Democrats aren’t assassinating Trump. They simply wound him and watch GOP foot soldiers flail about trying to rescue him. Republican attention seems all too easily diverted from the important strategic objectives in the war '24. Like the Viet Cong who shoot an American soldier in the leg – a couple of times – and leave him bleeding and shouting for help in a rice paddy. “Help! HELP!!!” Then they pick off the would-be rescuers.
Florida governor DeSantis claims he’s received a battlefield promotion and is replacing replace Trump. No deep thinker, the governor’s first impulse was to trick illegal aliens into boarding buses and planes for a free ride to trendy democrat enclaves. As a one-time stunt this might have been amusing. Actually, it’s still amusing a month on, because democrats in NY are dickering to buy a decrepit Norwegian ocean liner to house the migrants. “Step this way, hombres and senoritas. We don’t have enough hellish tenements and homeless shelters in NYC for you. Please head down to steerage and the lower decks while we figure out our next move”. THIS is the democrats’ best response to tens of thousands of new illegal immigrants each month??!!
You could say DeSantis is squandering an opportunity to look presidential right now. But that would be true only if you believe “Florida Man” has any strong views on the economy, foreign policy, narcotics, or failing schools. But let's give DeSantis some credit. At least he realizes he shouldn’t speak to the issues until a consultant tells him what his opinions are. DeSantis could do worse than recycle Biden's promise to be a post-partisan leader who can finally unite the nation. How could it hurt? We have incredibly short attention spans. And if the press calls him out on it, then people can debate Brandon's post inauguration behavior in light of his campaign promises.
Moving on from Trump and DeSantis, there’s Texas Governor Abbot. Um . . .nope. Never an energetic speaker or campaigner, Abbot's not going to be magically transformed into a GOP version of FDR simply because of that wheelchair.
Cruz? The guy who flew to the Mexican riviera during LAST year's hurricane? Yeah - no again. Come on, I’m looking for serious answers here Republican operatives aren’t even trying if he's their pick . . .
Wait. Who is that handsome, well-spoken black senator (from South Carolina??) waving and smiling from the back of the room? Tim Scott? Can we trick President Biden into mistaking Senator Scott for Barack Obama, who Joe memorably described as “a clean, articulate, and nice-looking black man” during a hilarious campaign interview? This is Thunderdome, and anything is possible. Brandon DID attempt to call on a dead democrat congresswoman for help during a recent speech. But the president’s handlers are certain to use flash cards to train him how to recognize Scott, Cruz, Abbot . . . and presumably the difference between a hippo and rhino . . . which Biden hilariously got wrong in 2019 when he took a cognitive impairment test intended to prove he wasn’t brain dead.
Democrats must be breathing a sigh of relief with all the photo bombs of Biden “surveying hurricane Ian damage”. These are pushing the president’s larger failures to the back page. Like yesterday's picture of Saudi Crown Prince Whatsisname shaking hands with a diabolically grinning Putin, announcing a deal to make oil scarce and more expensive. Wait . . . didn’t Brandon have his own photo op with the clown prince this summer? And announce that a deal had been struck to fix America’s runaway gasoline inflation? What's the point in kowtowing to foreign dictators if they won't keep their promises?
No matter. US politics is fast moving and incoherent. We’ve already pivoted from last week’s “don’t f#ck with dark brandon” meme to having some arab crown prince-assassin bitchslap our president. And Biden announcing that he’s feeling great and running again in 2024.
Republicans don’t know who’s running on their ticket. But they blithely assume Biden can be beaten, the same as they did in 2020. In fact, most of the GOP senate and house candidates are 2020 election deniers, according to a poll. Wait . . that can't be good for the midterms, can it? It hasn't helped Stacey Abrams. Her claims of a rigged gubernatorial election in 2018 are eroding even more of her support in 2022, among voters who can read and write.
To sum up and clarify: I’m not a member of either party. But if I was, I wouldn’t bet my nation’s future on DeSantis, Cruz, Abbot, or Scott – a guy whose political mission statement is “to help one billion people”. And certainly not Brandon, who can’t tell the difference between a hippo, a rhino, and a smirking, duplicitous saudi prince straight out of central casting.
America – you get D minus on this test. I know you can do better.
