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The Fable Of Loony-Land

The Fable Of Loony-Land

by M. LeRoy XXXX, written in 2001

Loony-nomics, He Called It!

The Loony-In-Chief of Loony-Land
Laid out his magnificent plan:
A big loony tax cut for all in the land,
Fresh loony bills in each loony hand!
(And even more in their wallets behind!)

"I smell a recession,"
Said the Loony-In-Chief,
"And we all know that that's very bad!"
"So to stop it we must have this here loony plan,"
"As insurance to make us all glad!"

"We'll send you your money,"
He said, with a grin,
Like the fine friendly fellow he was,
"And you spend it any ol' way that you like!"
"You know spendin' ain't never no sin!"

Loony-nomics, he called it,
And the name seemed to fit!
For it said money came from a bottomless pit!
And grew on a tree with a spigot!

The Wealth Will Come Trickling Down!

"The money will flow," said the Loony-In-Chief,
Why, he'd get them to print some right now!
And it wasn't enough, he'd have them print more,
And even more if it would help on the Dow!

"Why, there is no limit to how rich we could get,"
Roared the Loony-In-Chief to the crowd.
"We'll just print more money and have a tax cut,"
"And the wealth will come trickling down!"

The yacht C.E.O. loved such splendid words,
And geared up for major expansion;
For he knew there'd be Loonies,
Wanting new yachts,
Right up to the next big contraction!

And the Loonies yelled
"Hail to the Loony-In-Chief!"
"For he'll give us our money to spend!"
"What a friend!"
"Yes, in any ol' way we ol' Loonies like,"
"We'll have big loony bills to spend!"

"Yes, I trust the Loonies!"
Cried the Loony-In-Chief,
"And not them Loonies-on-High!"
(But some Loonies of Loony-Land wondered,
Would the Loony-In-Chief ever lie?)

"The Loony surplus belongs to the Loons!"
Cried the Loony-In-Chief in a rave!
"Why, he's right!" yelled the Loonies,
"It's ours! Why not spend it?"
"For we can't take it with us to the grave!"

The Loonies Did Not Want To Listen!

"But what about the Loony Debt?"
Asked one lonely loony young man;
But he was drowned out by the Loons of the crowd,
Those Loons wanted that loony plan!

Now the Chief Top Head Banker of Loony-Land,
(A very smart Loony, they say)
Warned the Loonies they needed to save more,
And leave less for the children to pay.

But the Loonies did not want to listen,
Did not care to read or to think;
"Just send us those loony dollars," they squealed,
"And we'll buy us another drink!"
"Yes, send us those loony bills," they crowed,
"And we'll spend them, one and all!"
"And we'll build up the Loony economy"
"To heights taller than higher is tall!"

"In fact, why, we'll spend even more than we earn!"
The Loonies giggled with glee;
"We'll build it with paper, and credit, and debt,"
"To see how high is too high to see!"

"And if it falls down, as such loony things do?"
Scoffed the skeptical loony young man;
"Why, hush!" said the crowd,
"Do not speak such thoughts!"
"For it might interfere with the plan!"

"Why, we'll borrow and borrow,"
"If that's what it takes,"
"To keep this economy high!"
"The Smarties will lend it,"
"Who knows why, but they do,"
"And we'll all get a piece of the pie!"

The Loonies Throw Parties!

And so they got them, they did,
The Loonies, fresh bills!
And in every Loony hand!
And spent them, right quick,
As a smart Loony should,
Before prices rose all through the land!

The Loonies threw parties, and soirees, and feasts,
To celebrate their new-found wealth!
They drank, and they smoked,
And they took funny pills,
And they toasted each other's good health!

They ate meatballs and cheeseballs
And pink purple fruitballs
Shipped packed in cold ice
From the far isle of fat furballs!

They ate crisp crunchy deep-fried deep-sea snarkovias,
Imported at great cost from the Republic of Spazdopia!

What Bargains They Found!

When the Loonies go shopping,
They go out in force,
And descend on the malls in hordes!
They take all their money, and credit cards too,
Coupons, and frequent buyer rewards!

The Loonies shop smart, and look for the discounts,
Even on stuff they don't need!
Then they buy it to save money,
It's so much smarter that way:
It's the Loony Shop-Smart Creed!

And what bargains they found,
Those smart Loony shoppers!
Like half-price umbrellas,
With upside-down toppers!

Stuff with 'slight' defects
Went amazingly cheap;
And the one-day warranties
Aroused not a peep!

And so they spent the national treasure, those Loons!
And what fun those Loons had for a while!
As they frittered away their fresh Loony bills,
On frilly things that piled up in a pile!

Gizmos and Gadgets and Thingamajigs!

Frivolities and fripperies
Were what they mostly bought,
And foolish French fandingos, too,
Perhaps as an afterthought!

And flammeries and franfaloons,
And folderols and frilliums,
Filigrees and tomfooleries, too,
And fully refundable flooperies!

They bought pinwheels and perfumes and pink party hats,
And Ronco slice-matics galore!
They bought things with no use,
Like the head of a moose,
And then shouted, "We all want more!"

They bought gizmos and gadgets and thingamajigs,
All for their junk drawers back at their homes!
They bought weird little wind-up widgets,
And strange little sculptured gnomes!

They bought gee-gaws and hoof-raws
And lucky rabbit paw-paws,
And hot pink flamingos
To put in their lawns!
They bought plenty of high-caffeine coffee and tea,
Which the Loonies would drink
So to stifle their yawns!

They Stuffed It Into Their Closets!

Those are a few of the things they bought,
Those spendthrift Loony shoppers!
Oh, those big-spending Loony shoppers shopped,
Until at last some began to drop!

And they took the stuff home,
This 'stuff' they had bought,
And they stuffed it into their closets!
(Where the stuff never got a second thought!)
And finally when all was said and done,
Their bills freshly frittered away,
The Loonies sighed with happiness,
And contentment ruled the day!

For they had been out shopping,
A shopping spree-for-all!
And since all of the Loonies loved shopping,
They thanked the Loony-In-Chief for it all!

Caviar, Champagne, and Filet!

But the average Loonies ran out very soon,
For 'twas a pittance, it's true, to begin with;
"But we're happy," they said,
"We have more than before,"
"And that's the thing to compare with!"

But the rich Loonies could go right on spending,
Why, they went on spending all day!
And had loony bills left over to bathe in,
And caviar, champagne, and filet!

The rich Loonies called it the Golden Rule,
And said it was the only fair call:
The poor get a little, the rich get a lot,
And the richest get the mostest of all!

And since they had the mostest,
That's where the Loony-In-Chief went next,
For he needed to borrow some money,
To help pay for all his new debts!

The richest Loonies were happy to lend it, of course,
For it seemed such a safe thing to do!
"But only with interest," they said, with a wink,
"You must add on something that's new!"

And oh what a trick these rich Loonies have learned!
It's a neat trick, it works, and they're proud!
Get tax cuts, get Loony bills, and then lend them back,
To the guv'mint now driven aground!

(If the average Loonies of Loony-Land
Ever figure out what these rich Loonies do,
Oh, there's going to be trouble in Loony-Land,
Big trouble, for all of the Loons!)

The Loony Economy Fell With A Thud!

For he's now in the red, is the Loony-In-Chief,
And he scratches his head, looking 'round,
For he must find more bills
To pay the debts back,
Where oh where might those bills be found?

Then he remembers the average Loonies,
Who had made him Loony-In-Chief;
"That's where I'll get it," he says,
"They haven't much but they've some,"
And he heaves a sigh of relief!

"We'll just take a little,"
Said the Loony-In-Chief,
"But we'll have to take some, I'm afraid,"
"For we've got to pay on the interest,"
"Or the banks will all come unfrayed!"

And now the poor Loonies have less than before,
And they wonder what could have gone wrong;
For the Chief Loony's plan had seemed right
And seemed fair,
But it didn't work right before long.

The Loony economy fell with a thud,
And a crash, and a bang, and a whimper;
For it had been built like a house of cards,
That will fold at the slightest whisper!
Going Broke Is No Way To Pay Bills!

And oh how it hurt!
And oh how it smarted!
When the Loony-bill fell
To a zillionth in value
Of what it had formerly been!

Loony-nomics had failed,
As it most always will,
Going broke is no way to pay bills!
With employment growth ending,
The Smarties stopped lending,
And called in all loans that were pending!

Then the stock markets tumbled,
Productivity stumbled,
And durable goods orders crumbled!
The S.E.C. bumbled, the Loonies all mumbled,
And the Loony-In-Chief looked befuddled!

And now the poor Loonies were out of their jobs!
And soon were reduced to gnawing on cobs!
They had no more money to replenish their larder;
Pinwheels are no good if for food you must barter!

And there's no sight more sorry
Than a young starving Loon,
Who's gone without food for a week;
It tugs at your heartstrings,
And brings tears to your eyes,
Such suffering among the most meek!

If You Want To Get Rich, Don't Be Loonies!

"But it's not my fault!" cried the Loony-In-Chief,
"None could have predicted this!"
"It's those Smarties in Smarty-Land,"
"That's who's to blame,"
"Or maybe the ex-Loony-In-Chief!"

"No, it's not his fault," cried the Loonies,
"He's a good guy, we like his big grin!"
"He sent us our money to spend as we pleased,"
"Count the votes right, and he'll always win!"

"It's those Smarties in Smarty-Land,"
"That's who's at fault!"
Cried the Loonies, with dark, furrowed brows;
And they looked at their neighbors
With green angry eyes,
And they said, "This behavior must halt!"

"Cause you all get richer in Smarty-Land, there."
"You save, and invest, and you grow,"
"And then you lend money to Loony-Land,"
"And leave us with just seeds to sow!"

Now the Smarties in Smarty-Land sat up and said,
"Now listen up, Loonies, and listen up good!"

"Don't spend all your money on baubles and frills,"
"On foibles or thrills, or on faked missile kills!"
"Don't spend it on plump Patagonian krills,"
"Or cheap Prussian pillows to sit on!"

"Use it to build up your capital stock,"
"If you want your economy strong as a rock!"
"You sow your seeds first,"
"Then you harvest your crops,"
"And not beforetime do you eat them!"

"You must change your mentality,"
"And re-learn frugality,"
"And save for a rainy day!"
"Practice the virtue of thrift,"
"And give yourselves a gift,"
"For on the path to wealth you'll then stay!"

Feel Sad For The Loonies!

So the Loonies, abashed, went back to their homes,
Looked in their closets, and let out a moan!
"What have we done?" they all said with a groan,
"Why, we've WASTED the national treasure!"

"We'll take years to dig out"
"Of this hole we have dug,"
"And we're feeling so silly,"
"We should hide 'neath the rug!"
"You'd think that we'd learn,"
Moaned the Loonies, in shame,
"For we've done this before,"
"No one else can be blamed!"

Feel sad for the Loonies,
For they really don't learn;
They'll do the same thing again!
They'll forget very soon
How they spent like a Loon,
And they'll watch their debts once more balloon.