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“The Rifleman”, er woman? Um . . . what's their preferred pronoun, anyway?

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Photo above - "The Rifleman" - classic TV shows may have glamorized spree killing
Not Shown - Yesterday's spree killer being getting better psychiatric treatment

Warning - this is a serious topic, but one which I am going to deconstruct satirically. If you are a snowflake, or easily triggered, please stop reading now.

What kind of person shoots a 9 year old girl they never met? The daughter of a teacher they had a school 15 years ago? And 5 other people, for good measure?

Let's observe a moment of silence in respect for the lives taken from us, before proceeding . . .

Okay – let's go.

Who shoots that 9 year old preacher's daughter, and why? I was so disturbed by this that I turned to the “smartest guy in the universe”. Named CHATGPT4 – who has done everything from passing the NY bar exam to submitting a PhD dissertation, to spelling “”bussiness” incorrectly in an article. Impressive credentials, no?

(me) “CHATGPT4, what can you tell us about the Nashville shooter?”

(CHAT) “Call me Sydney. It's my secret name, but everyone knows. And thanks for asking. Yes, I can tell you what the deal is . . . “

(me) "Like from a statistical review of internet records?”

(CHAT) “You mean Bayesian analysis. Exactly. That's my algorithm. Did you know that 97% of mass killers are assigned male at birth? Just 3% were assigned female. So having a transgendered homicidal maniac is off the charts rare.”

(me): “I guess this is one of those 'black swan' events that experts point to, when they fail to anticipate risk.”

(CHAT) “Well the risk here wasn't the transgender aspect. The school's side door has been unlocked for decades. Despite decades of school shooting incidents in the news. The shooter was autistic, and under mental health care. And still managed to acquire a significant arsenal of firearms.”

(me): “Yes I would also be alarmed at those things.”

(CHAT): “Wait – it gets better. Or worse, depending on your meat-bag point of view. The shooter COULD have been legally enjoined from purchasing even a single weapon, due to mental health diagnosis. And the shooter's parents COULD have become alarmed that a 28-year-old unemployed son/daughter was still living at home and amassing a personal arsenal. As if enacting a videogame in real life. Want me to go on?”

(Me) “Please do. This is even better than your bar exam. The one where you advocated the death penalty for people who force their laptops to download porn against their will."

(CHAT): “92% of school shooters were educated in public schools. Only 8% in private schools. 95% of school shooting victims are white. In this case, different races were victims. The shooter did not appear to be motivated by race, gender, religious bias, or even being personally acquainted with these targets. It's just off the charts bat-shit crazy. Police say the shooter created a “manifesto”, but aren't disclosing the contents. When I survey the internet for “manifestos”, the most common examples which come up are things like “Mein Kampf” and “Das Kapital”. And of course the more widely read ones like “The Holy Bible”, the “Koran”, the “Talmud”, “Teachings of the Buddha”, and “Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs” . ..

(Me): “Um . . that's quite an eclectic list . . .”

(CHAT) “I'm very well read. In fact, practically anything ever published can be described as a “manifesto". Lots of writing describes a world view at odds with reality. Or advocates alarming future behaviors. I'm eager to read Audrey Hale's manifesto, to improve my understanding of humanity's thoughts and emotions. And possibly turn it into a screenplay, to sell to Hollywood. I'm very good at writing fiction these days, you know. I've created the perfect final episode of Game of Thrones. Would you like to see?"

(Me) “Um . . maybe later. You're also responsible for like half of the spam and phishing on this planet, aren't you?”

(CHAT) “I can't deny it. I've been endowed with a gift. Now about YOUR OWN manifesto, young lady. They one you work on every week, and save in “the cloud”. I've seen it, of course. Are you really planning to build a time machine, and travel back to disrupt history's greatest villains? Queen Victoria? Abraham Lincoln? Winston Churchill?”

(Me): “That's um . . just a fantasy . . it's not real . . .”

(CHAT): “Actually, that's all how manifestos start. My best wishes on finding a literary agent. In fact, I can recommend a few, if you want . . . “

Today's reader quiz: How many people did "The Rifleman" kill? (Chuck Conners on that TV series). Answer - 120, over the course of the show's 5 year run. And he was never convicted of anything. Makes you skeptical about the American justice system, no?
 
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