as seen on tv
Senator
Photo above - Trump poses with his astonishing discovery: "white goddess pygmy queen"
Not Shown - Trump with Burmese python, giant boobed porn star, and Siamese octuplets
I told'ja this would happen. TOLD YA! Trump WANTS to be photographed in handcuffs. Grinning as if he could break his shackles like an orange King Kong, just by flexing his wrists.
For “unknown reasons” (ratings? MAGA mob assembly logistics? Finding enough police not confined to desk duty?) yesterday's arrest has been postponed. Impresario/District Attorney Alvin Bragg – who has his own sideshow: “the world's most clueless prosecutor” - found a way to give Trump exactly what he wants: more publicity.
I don't blame Trump, or Alvin. They're just being themselves. It's unrealistic to expect men with a history of antics like this to suddenly be more evolved than they are. I blame the audience, of course. You and me, and the media.
Let's start with the media. Yesterday both CNN and Fox had non-stop coverage of . .. nothing. Empty courtrooms, normal sidewalks. Helicopter video of Mar-a-Largo. And interviews with fellow reporters. There is NOTHING more thrilling than one reporter schooling another on why they were both wrong, is there? Anytime CNN and Fox are presenting the identical “Game of Handcuffs” episode then you know this is total bull$hit. PBS, CBS, ABC, NBC . . . you're all guilty too. And your morning talk shows. Late night hosts like Kimmel - step forward and take a bow. This is a ratings bonanza for all of you.
Remember, if something is “free” (like a TV broadcast) then we are the product. Because we might act on repeated advertising exhortations to purchase stuff from Caesars Online Casinos, or Chipotle, or Chevrolet.
Where else do we fit in? Beyond buying stuff, I mean? We might be a composite of freak show exhibits Barnum used to have. “World's most gullible simians”. “People with 65 inch 4K TV screens, but no daily newspaper subscriptions”. We own a lot of Jeep Wranglers or Teslas. Sometimes at the same time, like the folks down the block.
Where did we think 50 years of declining public-school performance would take us? The 30% dropout rate? (50% at inner city schools). Collective reading comprehension at the 5th grade level - which explains why newspapers going under. Medicinal pot and Crown Royal everywhere. Fast forward - people are ditching meth for “tranq” because it's cheaper to make. Today's fun fact – Stanford University raised its tuition to $84,000 per year. Probably looking ahead to when those $5 million “reparations” checks flow from San Francisco to black residents? Imagine how a cafeteria worker or bus driver with $5 million is going to spend it. College should be part of the conversation, no? Even if you flunk out after the first year, Stanford wins. No messy past due student loans to collect from these aspiring scholars later.
I've had enough. I'm moving to the happiest place on earth. No – not Walt Disney World (r). I'm talking 'bout FINLAND. It just won the “world 's happiest place” award - for the 6th year in a row!!
Stand by . . . Finland is the topic of tomorrow's column.
Unless Trump's perp walk is postponed another 24 hours.
