as seen on tv
Senator
https://www.airforcetimes.com/news/your-military/2020/01/21/these-space-force-uniforms-look-awfully-familiar/
Lord almighty! Who knew outer space was colored like the jungle? That's the inescapable conclusion if you examine the new “Space Force Five” uniforms proudly revealed by our "Pentagram" commanders (full disclosure - “Space Force Five” was a Japanimation cartoon in the 1990s. The military couldn't even come up with an original name for our newest defenders of peace)
Now is the time for all good fanboys, gamers, veterans, and premature discharge-ees to step up to the plate and give us their best shot at REALLY GOOD uniforms, and a maybe better name for the service. My own ideas appear below, but please don't be deterred from adding your own suggestions in the thread that follows. Remember, our nation's disaffected jobless youth who we want to enlist will be depending on YOU to rescue them from becoming the laughingstock of the United Federation of (Soon To Be Uninhabitable) Planets. So here goes:
How about something sexier, please?
I so reject the notion of vietnam era coveralls in space. Even if it does save tax dollars because we have a gazillion of them left over in the Pentagon basement. To address eveyone's immediate objections. Yes – that's “seven of nine” from StarTrekVoyager. No – that's not a borg implant; it's a leaked prototype of the new "Google Eyebrow". Either that or the iPhone 13. Will enlistment rates rise at starfleet academy? I can practically guarantee it.
But that still wasn't camoflauge, ASOT!
Guilty as charged. How about this cloak then? You could blend right in if you got lost in space among the planetoids, assteroids, and hemmoroids. Stop laughing – if a space force femme came on your forward viewscreen wearing this, the AI system autopiloting your ship would think nothing at all was there. That's how Tesla cars determine if the road ahead is clear. (Full disclosure – this uniform is already available on Etsy for $144 – one size fits all)
China holding for you on line 2, Space Force Commodore!
The oppressors of Hong Kong, Taiwan, and Tibet already have DANDY astronauty uniforms, in super authoritative reflex blue, which look MUCH more upscale than something we designed a generation ago to avoid vietcong snipers. And the USA DID just agree to buy umpteen billions in new stuff from from China, as part of Trump's new trade agreement, right? Bonus factor - each uniform sends a covert data upload to the Wu Tang Klan every day at zero dark 30. Full disclosure - only fits astronauts 5 foot 4 or smaller.
No . . . no . . . it has to induce fear in space aliens (and illegal aliens, and the Chinese)
Okay. Gotcha. How about this? The loading dock exoskeleton worn by Sigourney Weaver in “Aliens”! As I recall it has some sort of arc welder or blowtorch on one of the claws. Not a big deal to put an Uzi on the other one, I suppose. Hows this one grab you, then? (pun alert)
Still not “camo” enough? How about this?
No shi'ite! Now you're talking. Blends in with the infinite darkness of dark matter/dork energy, and black holes. PLUS a high intimidation factor. These are uniforms also available on the cheap – as low as $34.95, if you buy in quantity. Proudly made in the UAE!
Okay, but shouldn't we have a “throwback” uniform for home games? And not those lame duck hunting camo coveralls from Cabelas . . .
Okay, but this is positively the LAST suggestion I'm making. You're on your own to come up with something better, in your own responses in this top post. Yes, this is the official uniform of the “Forbidden Planet” space crew (a reboot of Shakespeare's “The Tempest”, if you missed the original). Check out the nifty features: Caps feature extra long bills to shield your eyes from solar eruptions (size matters); utility belt holds a compass, flashlight, leatherman tool, and bic disposable lighter; holster will accept either a .357 magnum OR a standard 9MM NATO pistol, in case we're going to let the Europeans play on our side. What more could you possibly need on an extended outer space mission, I ask? Besides "Tang", still the official breakfast beverage of astronauts after all these years!
