as seen on tv
Senator
(no link, this is a satire)
Hot on the heels of OTHER aggrieved groups’ demands to remove any reference on momuments or buildings to Woodrow Wilson and Thomas Jefferson, a coalition of asians are insisting on “emotional closure” for the forced internment of Japanese citizens by FDR.
“We are confronted by his leering visage, his fume spewing effete cigarette holder, and his scary wheelchair all across this nation. It causes us much distress. We demand America be made a safe space, free of the glorification of the wealth man of privilege who made himself president for life” insisted Hirohito Wantanabe, spokesperson for the group.
“they’re everywhere – Roosevelt dimes; the Roosevelt room at the white house; state parks; schools; streets; you even named an aircraft carrier for him. What could be more hideous!”
Hillary Clinton was quick to seize on the initiative, unwilling to see the asian american vote “flip” to the republican side. “For too long our hardworking, loyal oriental residents have had to endure these indignities. And I also want to put a stop to inner city thieves targeting asian takeout food places too, just because they’re open all night. I have to, I’ll mobilize the silicon valley nerds to step in . . . “
Republicans seemed, as always, prepared to allow certain victory to elude them once more. No one stepped up to jump on the FDR bashing bandwagon.
Trump, in fact, appeared ready to pick another fight. “Right now I have my hands full with the Muslims in the woodpile. But let me tell you, if I hear about any Jap zeros within a thousand miles of Pearl Harbor, I’ll make FDRs internment centers look like summer band camp. Don’t provoke me. You know I can do it. In the meantime, please come to my casinos, and accept $25 worth of complementary quarters for slots. I love the Asians. The Asians love me.”
