as seen on tv
Senator
After a year of negotiations without progress, job seekers and gang members from Mexico, Honduras, Haiti, and ISIS continue to gather at the US border. Mexican president AMLO (no relation to J-Lo) has repeatedly claimed he has no plans to attack, but the Biden administration is at “Defcon Dos”, and has clandestinely ordered the evacuation of federal workers and their families from all border areas directly in the invasion path.
The president has repeatedly assured Mexico that US troops will never fire their weapons in the event of invasion. Instead, increased sanctions on corrupt mexican government officials could be incrementally ramped up.
During an address to the portion of America which wasn't watching the NFL playoffs, Biden appeared to mis-speak, and said that “anything beyond a limited Mexican incursion onto US soil is unacceptable”.
This led the Governor of Texas - Greg “Rino ” Abbot - to immediately object, and remind the white house that any invasion, no matter how limited, was unacceptable to Texas residents who bear the brunt of illegal aliens' crimes ,such as drug dealing, armed robbery, carjacking, and shoplifting.
In reply, California Governor Gavin “Love Boat” Newsom tweeted a reminder that his state has decriminalized drugs, sidewalk defecation, and shoplifting merchandise in amounts less than $10,000. "As long as migrants wear KN95 masks, and/or are fully vaccinated, they are welcome. And besides, ( he added), nobody is signing up for a disruption of our vital narcotics supply during the long winter ahead.”. Twitter verified these tweets about crime and drugs as "100% true", and awarded the governor 5 stars and a gift basket of fresh Mexican avocados.
In a related development, the sovereign nation of Ukraine accused the Biden administration of playing politics with the fate of their people, and spending more attention on actual US citizens rather than Euro-intrigue.
To which White House spokes-ginger Jen Psaki replied “President Biden would NEVER do that. He is totally committed to resolving this Ukranian thing first, and maybe, after that, will he send Kamala to the Mexican border again. Maybe . . ..”
