Zam-Zam
Senator
He'll settle the issue:
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Homeland Security brought in famed television host Maury Povich to reveal the results of Representative Ilhan Omar's DNA test.
Povich, who spent decades unveiling DNA results on live television, recreated his old show set and the classic envelope for the big reveal.
"In this envelope, I have the results of the DNA test," said Povich, as tense music swelled in the background. "Ms. Omar... are you ready to find out who your husband was?"
Shifting nervously in her seat, Omar bit her lip. "I'm ready, Maury," she said, her voice shaking.
"All right then," said Maury, unsealing the envelope and pausing for dramatic effect. "Your husband... was... your brother!"
Pandemonium broke out on the set as Omar began screaming and rushing at Povich, while nearby ICE agents leapt in to arrest her. "Lies! Fake DNA! Noooo!" cried Omar as agents dragged her away from Povich. Povich, ever the professional, never flinched once amid the chaos.
At publishing time, DHS had announced that Povich would also be contracted to do a DNA reveal about Senator Elizabeth Warren's Native American ancestry.
babylonbee.com
In a related headline...
Usual satire warnings still in effect....
DHS Brings In Maury To Reveal Results Of Omar DNA Test
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Homeland Security brought in famed television host Maury Povich to reveal the results of Representative Ilhan Omar's DNA test.
Povich, who spent decades unveiling DNA results on live television, recreated his old show set and the classic envelope for the big reveal.
"In this envelope, I have the results of the DNA test," said Povich, as tense music swelled in the background. "Ms. Omar... are you ready to find out who your husband was?"
Shifting nervously in her seat, Omar bit her lip. "I'm ready, Maury," she said, her voice shaking.
"All right then," said Maury, unsealing the envelope and pausing for dramatic effect. "Your husband... was... your brother!"
Pandemonium broke out on the set as Omar began screaming and rushing at Povich, while nearby ICE agents leapt in to arrest her. "Lies! Fake DNA! Noooo!" cried Omar as agents dragged her away from Povich. Povich, ever the professional, never flinched once amid the chaos.
At publishing time, DHS had announced that Povich would also be contracted to do a DNA reveal about Senator Elizabeth Warren's Native American ancestry.
DHS Brings In Maury To Reveal Results Of Omar DNA Test
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Homeland Security brought in famed television host Maury Povich to reveal the results of Representative Ilhan Omar's DNA test.
babylonbee.com
In a related headline...
Nigerian Prince Vouches For Omar's Character
Usual satire warnings still in effect....
