Zam-Zam
Senator
Some (hopefully) useful information on the subject of complaining:
It is useful to understand that complaining (and, by extension, complainers) come in different types. There are those who never seem to be satisfied. These are known as chronic complainers. They have a tendency to ruminate on problems and to focus on setbacks over progress. Some research suggests that making a habit of complaining can “re-wire” the brain so that those particular thinking orientations become ingrained. It is possible to re-wire this re-wiring to make it more positive, of course, but chronic complainers probably don’t think it would work all that well.
The second type of complaint is the familiar “venting.” Venting is expressing emotional dissatisfaction. It turns out that people who vent have an agenda. They tend to be focused on themselves and their own—presumably negative—experience. By showing their anger, frustration, or disappointment, they are soliciting attention from their confidantes. They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy. Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and proposed solutions to their problems. They aren’t looking to solve anything; they simply want validation.
One unfortunate downside to both venting and to chronic complaining is that it can dampen people’s moods. In one series of studies, researchers tracked people’s moods before and after hearing a complaint. As predicted, listening to gripes made people feel worse. What’s more, the complainer also felt worse!
How to Complain Well
The last type of complaint is known as the “instrumental complaint.” Unlike its wrinkle-nosed conceptual cousins, the instrumental complaint is all about solving problems. When you confront your romantic partner about overspending on the credit card, that could be instrumental complaining. Especially if you focus on the impact of the problem, the importance of change, and cooperate to create a plan for change. One study suggests that these types of complaints make up fewer than 25 percent of all complaints.
In one study, researchers found that happy people complain less. They also looked at the evidence that the happy folks in their study were more mindful. They hypothesize that more cheerful folks are likely to complain more mindfully—more strategically if you will—and with a specific goal in mind. When viewed this way, a rough guide for complaining emerges:
Complete text: The Three Types of Complaining | Psychology Today
It is useful to understand that complaining (and, by extension, complainers) come in different types. There are those who never seem to be satisfied. These are known as chronic complainers. They have a tendency to ruminate on problems and to focus on setbacks over progress. Some research suggests that making a habit of complaining can “re-wire” the brain so that those particular thinking orientations become ingrained. It is possible to re-wire this re-wiring to make it more positive, of course, but chronic complainers probably don’t think it would work all that well.
The second type of complaint is the familiar “venting.” Venting is expressing emotional dissatisfaction. It turns out that people who vent have an agenda. They tend to be focused on themselves and their own—presumably negative—experience. By showing their anger, frustration, or disappointment, they are soliciting attention from their confidantes. They can feel validated by receiving attention and sympathy. Venters are particularly likely to discount advice and proposed solutions to their problems. They aren’t looking to solve anything; they simply want validation.
One unfortunate downside to both venting and to chronic complaining is that it can dampen people’s moods. In one series of studies, researchers tracked people’s moods before and after hearing a complaint. As predicted, listening to gripes made people feel worse. What’s more, the complainer also felt worse!
How to Complain Well
The last type of complaint is known as the “instrumental complaint.” Unlike its wrinkle-nosed conceptual cousins, the instrumental complaint is all about solving problems. When you confront your romantic partner about overspending on the credit card, that could be instrumental complaining. Especially if you focus on the impact of the problem, the importance of change, and cooperate to create a plan for change. One study suggests that these types of complaints make up fewer than 25 percent of all complaints.
In one study, researchers found that happy people complain less. They also looked at the evidence that the happy folks in their study were more mindful. They hypothesize that more cheerful folks are likely to complain more mindfully—more strategically if you will—and with a specific goal in mind. When viewed this way, a rough guide for complaining emerges:
- Avoid dampening your mood by complaining only rarely
- Complain only in instances where you believe it will affect real and positive change
- Consider whether affirmation or some other strategy will work instead of complaining
- Limit your exposure to complaining by limiting your exposure to complainers
Complete text: The Three Types of Complaining | Psychology Today
