Go online and rate us – how can we do better?

[as seen on tv]

Thank you for remaining a resident of Syria. We know you have other choices for your refugee encampment , and appreciate your residency. To ensure that I (your president for life, Bashar al Assad) and my handpicked council are doing all we can to serve you properly, I ask that you go online at www.AssadisaGas.sy and rate your recent civil war experience. When you do, you will be eligible to win one of 5 “get out of political prision” free cards which will be drawn daily from random entries.

1 – The recent gas attacks (a) were NOT sufficient to rid my district of rebels . I barely saw anyone dying. (b) inadvertently caused the death of some of my own family members (c) were just right – don’t change a thing

2 – The best method to deploy poison gas is (a) 105MM artillery shells (b) helicopters outfitted to look like agricultural crop dusters (c) timed detonations at markets and mosques (d) all of the above

3 – Civilian casualities. Your attitude is best expressed as (a) you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs (b) observing curfews is always a good idea - and its the law ! (c) they probably weren’t civilians anyway. At the very least they were from an undesirable tribal group. I could tell right away by the dialect they spoke.

4 – Free Elections are (a) unnecessary because the government already has our best interests in mind (b) an offense in the eyes of Allah, whose word is law (c) A western plot to undermine Syria's stability and prosperity (d) historically not part of our heritage

5 – Israel is (a) a mistake that should be erased from the map (b) behind the recent unrest in my neighborhood (c) a nation of moneylenders, which is forbidden by Allah

6 - America is (a) easily duped into never ending negotiations (b) a place i might want to live. how do i get an exit visa? (c) iran's problem.

Please note that you must include all details to qualify for our grand prize drawing, including cell phone number, email address, and facebook/twitter account info.

Good luck, and thanks for participating.

 

[Colorforms]

View attachment 23671

Thank you for remaining a resident of Syria. We know you have other choices for your refugee encampment , and appreciate your residency. To ensure that I (your president for life, Bashar al Assad) and my handpicked council are doing all we can to serve you properly, I ask that you go online at www.AssadisaGas.sy and rate your recent civil war experience. When you do, you will be eligible to win one of 5 “get out of political prision” free cards which will be drawn daily from random entries.

1 – The recent gas attacks (a) were NOT sufficient to rid my district of rebels . I barely saw anyone dying. (b) inadvertently caused the death of some of my own family members (c) were just right – don’t change a thing

2 – The best method to deploy poison gas is (a) 105MM artillery shells (b) helicopters outfitted to look like agricultural crop dusters (c) timed detonations at markets and mosques (d) all of the above

3 – Civilian casualities. Your attitude is best expressed as (a) you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs (b) observing curfews is always a good idea - and its the law ! (c) they probably weren’t civilians anyway. At the very least they were from an undesirable tribal group. I could tell right away by the dialect they spoke.

4 – Free Elections are (a) unnecessary because the government already has our best interests in mind (b) an offense in the eyes of Allah, whose word is law (c) A western plot to undermine Syria's stability and prosperity (d) historically not part of our heritage

5 – Israel is (a) a mistake that should be erased from the map (b) behind the recent unrest in my neighborhood (c) a nation of moneylenders, which is forbidden by Allah

6 - America is (a) easily duped into never ending negotiations (b) a place i might want to live. how do i get an exit visa? (c) iran's problem.

Please note that you must include all details to qualify for our grand prize drawing, including cell phone number, email address, and facebook/twitter account info.

Good luck, and thanks for participating.

I'm still living in my Emam's basement and I would love to get some guys together and head to Palestine for the annual spring Israeli missile shoot.

 

[as seen on tv]

I'm still living in my Emam's basement and I would love to get some guys together and head to Palestine for the annual spring Israeli missile shoot.

fine - we will be gathering on the rooftop of the "glorious martyrs hospital" for that this years missile launches, in order to claim "war crimes" if they shoot back.