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I like this poem

micah2351

Council Member
Just another day in the burbs


he wakes up
to find all his neighbors
are first generation holographs
stuck in the same old daily routine loop,

his fifteen year old cat,
merely obsolete animatronics
with a gyroscope for a heart,
programmed like a toy train


his long legged, blue-eyed, blond-haired wife
most likely a clone of the original
who secretly left one night
many years ago


and his mind a mundane
loaner from the Reality Shop,
still in tow after thirty odd years,
repairs on the original taking much longer than expected


It's just another day in
the burbs, dark secrets simmering
behind closed curtains, close cropped
lawns hungry for fresh interments,
the postman a minor god.





G.O. Clark
 

Addy

Rebuild With Biden!
It had some weirdness to it -- but I read it -- like something that would be suitable for a science fiction scene. It definitely had a dark side, I agree.

The line, about the lawn, ready for interments.. paraphrased somewhat :eek:

Just not a thing of beauty to envision is it..? :rip: :rolleyes:
Some of the other lines, I can't recall.
May I ask why you disliked it?
 

JackDallas

Senator
Supporting Member
It reminds me of the sort of crap that appeared too frequently on the Poems Board (Slate), written by a guy whose name I cannot recall now. It's just a kind of rambliing, convoluted mix with no real direction or purpose that I can see.

Random thoughts rather than crafted poetry.

It had some weirdness to it -- but I read it -- like something that would be suitable for a science fiction scene. It definitely had a dark side, I agree.

The line, about the lawn, ready for interments.. paraphrased somewhat :eek:

Just not a thing of beauty to envision is it..? :rip: :rolleyes:
Some of the other lines, I can't recall.
May I ask why you disliked it?
 

Addy

Rebuild With Biden!
It reminds me of the sort of crap that appeared too frequently on the Poems Board (Slate), written by a guy whose name I cannot recall now. It's just a kind of rambliing, convoluted mix with no real direction or purpose that I can see.

Random thoughts rather than crafted poetry.
Okay, thanks, Jack, I appreciate your reply since you are a poet yourself.
 

JackDallas

Senator
Supporting Member
Okay, thanks, Jack, I appreciate you reply since you are a poet yourself.
My assumtion is that the top poster is not the writer of the poem. I hope that is the case lest I hurt feelings. Had he identified himself as the writer I would have kept my comment to myself. It just doesn't hit a nerve with me, unlike this one below by Marylb (Minotaur)

The Portrait

The sketch is an intricate web
that captures the mood of the day
where ochre is scattered by scarlet;
sienna is muted with gray.
Emerging from layered mass
the conflict beneath a face,
that fills the canvas with color
and highlights an empty space.
 

Addy

Rebuild With Biden!
My assumtion is that the top poster is not the writer of the poem. I hope that is the case lest I hurt feelings. Had he identified himself as the writer I would have kept my comment to myself. It just doesn't hit a nerve with me, unlike this one below by Marylb (Minotaur)

The Portrait

The sketch is an intricate web
that captures the mood of the day
where ochre is scattered by scarlet;
sienna is muted with gray.
Emerging from layered mass
the conflict beneath a face,
that fills the canvas with color
and highlights an empty space.
I read his poem at least 4 times.. maybe more.. Every reader can interpret their own meaning -- regardless of what the writer actually intended to say.. imo. My take on it is probably completely wrong.. Maybe he will come back and explain it further.

Min's poem is wonderful!! It would be great if she would share more of it on this forum.
 

JackDallas

Senator
Supporting Member
Your interpretation cannot be wrong because it's what you took away from the poem. It may be different from mine but neither interpretation is wrong. That's what poetry is all about.

I read his poem at least 4 times.. maybe more.. Every reader can interpret their own meaning -- regardless of what the writer actually intended to say.. imo. My take on it is probably completely wrong.. Maybe he will come back and explain it further.

Min's poem is wonderful!! It would be great if she would share more of it on this forum.
 

RedCloud

Mayor
Your interpretation cannot be wrong because it's what you took away from the poem. It may be different from mine but neither interpretation is wrong. That's what poetry is all about.
Damn, Jack, I'd think you were a Philly Sopher if I did't know better!
 

Bo-4

Senator
Yeah.. that's nice. Reminds me a little of a Joni Mitchell lyric from years ago.

The Hissing of Summer Lawns

He bought her a diamond for her throat
He put her in a ranch house on a hill
She could see the valley barbecues
From her window sill
See the blue pools in the squinting sun
Hear the hissing of summer lawns

He put up a barbed wire fence
To keep out the unknown
And on every metal thorn
Just a little blood of his own
She patrols that fence of his
To a latin drum
And the hissing of summer lawns

A diamond dog
Carrying a cup and a cane
Looking through a double glass
Looking at too much pride and too much shame
There's a black fly buzzing
There's a heat wave burning in her master's voice
The hissing of summer lawns

He gave her his darkness to regret
And good reason to quit him
He gave her a roomful of Chippendale
That nobody sits in
Still she stays with a love of some kind
It's the lady's choice
The hissing of summer lawns

[video=youtube;qaXpREI_CqU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qaXpREI_CqU[/video]
 

micah2351

Council Member
Wow, I take that as a huge complement that I may have been mistaken for G.O. Clark, you made my day :)

Thanks !!!!!!!
 
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