justoffal
Senator
In a conversation with Ken Salazar at the local bar room the other day I was stunned to discover the real motives behind the green energy boom that has memorized an otherwise already dumb electorate.
" Son " he said...." They ain't nothin in this here 'conomy worse for wasted energy consumption then the existence of pure ugly".....
Perplexed I asked " What do you mean ken? " As we were talking I noticed that he kept looking into his embarrassingly thin bill fold as if to indicate that it needed some paper to pad it up a bit....
"Well sir think about this for a minute"..... If you added up the all of the energy bills for all of the beauty salons from coast to coast you'd find that a full ten percent of our commercial energy usage goes out to women who are trying to shake the natural process of uglicifcation!
We've come up with a solution for this! A little pill that makes anyone who sees ugly see beauty instead. See, this way we'll save that full ten percent for better usage! "
"Damn! Looks like I'm short for the tab ...say you wouldn't have..."
" Yeah...don't worry about it Ken I got it...g'head order another and continue talking "
Greedily turing the beer mug upside down into his gullet before grabbing the next cold one he continued...
" Well sir, as I was saying we have determined that saving that ten percent will justify the price for our new light bulb....See with all of that extra cash around people will hardly notice the difference in their weekly expenses! We'll just provide the pills free of charge and voila...you'll have all of these otherwise horrified husbands going home to beauty queens they never realized they had before!"
" Yeah but Ken....won't that create another baby boom?"
"Oh don't worry about that! That little pill does more than just make mister think he's married to Helen Mirren...heh heh heh ...see the dirty little secret here is that it takes all the powder out of his charges too!... Never underestimate the ingenuity of your federal government son!"
" What?" ...are you fukking kidding me Ken? So you're solving both the energy problem and the contraception problem with one fel swoop by using some form of mind poison that also attacks the testicles?"
Looking dismally at his now empty beer mug he seemed to be frozen in time so I motioned to the bartender as Kenny boy lit up with delight... and words once again started to proceed from his drole little mouth..
" Bingo!....boy you catches on quick you does!"
See we've put out a ten million dollar prize stipend to a fella who invented the ugly detector so's we can find the source of the ugly and deal with it most directly. Only problem is when we brought it in to show the President the danged thing went haywire and nearly exploded! After that Obie-wan ..that's what we call'em when on one is lissnin ... leaned over and screamed through the Oval office door " Michelle...get the hell out of there and go back to the living quarters now! Pissed'em off somethin awufl ya know! "
Say buddy you wouldn't...
" Yeah....I got it Ken..." As I motioned to the bartender once again.
" Son " he said...." They ain't nothin in this here 'conomy worse for wasted energy consumption then the existence of pure ugly".....
Perplexed I asked " What do you mean ken? " As we were talking I noticed that he kept looking into his embarrassingly thin bill fold as if to indicate that it needed some paper to pad it up a bit....
"Well sir think about this for a minute"..... If you added up the all of the energy bills for all of the beauty salons from coast to coast you'd find that a full ten percent of our commercial energy usage goes out to women who are trying to shake the natural process of uglicifcation!
We've come up with a solution for this! A little pill that makes anyone who sees ugly see beauty instead. See, this way we'll save that full ten percent for better usage! "
"Damn! Looks like I'm short for the tab ...say you wouldn't have..."
" Yeah...don't worry about it Ken I got it...g'head order another and continue talking "
Greedily turing the beer mug upside down into his gullet before grabbing the next cold one he continued...
" Well sir, as I was saying we have determined that saving that ten percent will justify the price for our new light bulb....See with all of that extra cash around people will hardly notice the difference in their weekly expenses! We'll just provide the pills free of charge and voila...you'll have all of these otherwise horrified husbands going home to beauty queens they never realized they had before!"
" Yeah but Ken....won't that create another baby boom?"
"Oh don't worry about that! That little pill does more than just make mister think he's married to Helen Mirren...heh heh heh ...see the dirty little secret here is that it takes all the powder out of his charges too!... Never underestimate the ingenuity of your federal government son!"
" What?" ...are you fukking kidding me Ken? So you're solving both the energy problem and the contraception problem with one fel swoop by using some form of mind poison that also attacks the testicles?"
Looking dismally at his now empty beer mug he seemed to be frozen in time so I motioned to the bartender as Kenny boy lit up with delight... and words once again started to proceed from his drole little mouth..
" Bingo!....boy you catches on quick you does!"
See we've put out a ten million dollar prize stipend to a fella who invented the ugly detector so's we can find the source of the ugly and deal with it most directly. Only problem is when we brought it in to show the President the danged thing went haywire and nearly exploded! After that Obie-wan ..that's what we call'em when on one is lissnin ... leaned over and screamed through the Oval office door " Michelle...get the hell out of there and go back to the living quarters now! Pissed'em off somethin awufl ya know! "
Say buddy you wouldn't...
" Yeah....I got it Ken..." As I motioned to the bartender once again.
