I'd like to get some Free Gub'mint Cheese, my good man....
How about a little Red Leicester
"I'm afraid we're fresh out of Red Leicester, Sir."
Tilsit
"Never at the end of the week, Sir, always get it fresh first thing on Monday"
Caerphilly
"Well it's been on order for two weeks sir. Was expecting it this morning"
Bel Paese
"Sorry"
Red Windsor
"Normally say yes. But today the van broke down"
Stilton
"Sorry"
Emmenthal
"No" (cheeses mentioned together in the same sentence)
Gruyère
Norwegian Jarlsburg
"No"
Liptauer
"No"
Lancashire
"No"
White Stilton
"No"
Danish Blue
"No"
Double Gloucester
pauses before answering - "No"
Cheshire
"No"
Dorset Blue Vinney
"No"
Brie
Roquefort
Pont l’Évêque
Port Salut
Savoyard
Saint-Paulin
Carré de l’Est
Boursin
Bresse Bleu
Perle de Champagne
Camembert
Ah! We do have some Camembert, sir... It's a bit runny, sir... Well, as a matter of fact it's very runny, sir... I think it's runnier than you like it, sir... Yes, sir." "The cat's eaten it."
Gouda
"No"
Edam
"No"
Caithness
"No"
Smoked Austrian
"No"
(Japanese) Sage Derby
"No" (In the original version it is just "Sage Derby". It becomes "Japanese Sage Derby by the recordings).
Wensleydale
Oh! I'm sorry sir, I thought you were referring to me. Mister Wensleydale
Gorgonzola
"No"
Parmesan
"No"
Mozzarella
"No"
Pipo Crème
"No"
Greek Feta
"No"
Danish Fynbo
"No"
Czechoslovakian Sheep's Milk Cheese
"No"
Venezuelan Beaver Cheese
"Not today, Sir, no"
Cheddar
"Well, I'm afraid we don't get much call for it around these parts, Sir"
Ilchester
"I'll have a look, Sir" (looks) "No"
Limburger
