Obviously you care about not hurting the people in your life as you're taking great steps to ease pain by writing out your explanations for them and making the choice to trust that your brother will be able to ease their pain. But it's really about denial and distraction, Micah. Suicides leave notes all the time, sometimes they're ten or twenty pages long. They don't help. They only serve to show the grieving loved ones what they missed. Suicide notes contain facts your loved ones would rather know now while you're still here.
If someone you loved killed himself, you'd read the note and find out why they did it. To that end, the explanation would serve ONE purpose.
But if you're looking to ease the pain your suicide will cause, you should know that you can't. What would be the one thing someone could explain about their suicide that would make you feel better about not having known how much pain that person was in or how hopeless they felt BEFORE they did it? What words would work to ease the pain you'd feel from knowing you'll never see that person again? Or your guilt and remorse for not having seen it coming? What could possibly be written down that would make it easier for you to accept that someone you loved hurt himself when you were right there and would have done anything to prevent that, if you'd only known and seen? How would you stop thinking about all the things that you could have said and done that might have changed his mind?
If the brother of this person you loved started to explain on his behalf, there would be a moment when you'd realize that this guy knew it was coming and didn't warn you or anyone else who loved that person that this was coming. How would you feel about that brother? What do you think it will do to your brother's relationship with all your loved ones when they find out he knew your plans all along? What do you think the fallout from losing you and possibly all his relationships will do to your brother?
You want the people you care about to be alright. How will you ever know if they are? And if they aren't, how will you make them be alright if you're dead?You'd be gone, but they'd carry you and all the things they'd wish they said and did for you around for the rest of their lives. The loved ones suicides leave behind blame themselves. They feel a sense of failure. So again, if your wish is that everyone you care about ends up at peace with your decision, it's not going to be that way. Suicides leave marks on the lives of surviving loved ones that can't be erased ever.
What's the matter? Are you sick of is there some other trouble? People don't just kill themselves because they're old. What is it? Maybe that's a personal question. But you've already shared a huge personal decision. What's the backstory?