Joke Time!

[Corruptbuddha]

An old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor tell him "Charlie, I have some bad news. You've got cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man replies "Well, at least I don't have cancer...and who the hell is Charlie?"


A Chinese couple are in the bed getting frisky.
The husband tells his wife "I want sixty-nine"
The wife replies, "You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?"



A middle aged couple is fooling around when the man's toupee falls off his head and into his girlfriend's lap.
He reaches down to retrieve it and she gives a slight moan and whispers "There it is."
"Can't be, he says, I part mine on the side."

 

[ya-ta-hey]

An old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor tell him "Charlie, I have some bad news. You've got cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man replies "Well, at least I don't have cancer...and who the hell is Charlie?"


A Chinese couple are in the bed getting frisky.
The husband tells his wife "I want sixty-nine"
The wife replies, "You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?"



A middle aged couple is fooling around when the man's toupee falls off his head and into his girlfriend's lap.
He reaches down to retrieve it and she gives a slight moan and whispers "There it is."
"Can't be, he says, I part mine on the side."

Mr. Buddha,

You butchered the first one. It's:

A guys goes to his doctor and the doctor tells him he has bad news.

The guy asks "What is it?" to which the doctor replies "You have terminal cancer."

The guy is pretty shook up, when doctor says "It's worse, I also think you have alzheimers."

The guy replies "whew, that's a relief, I was afraid you were gonna say I had cancer."

 

[RedCloud]

The little boy was out in the yard and intent on something on the ground. His Grandpa walks out and asks, "What are you doing?" The little boy replies, "I'm trying to get this worm out of the ground without breaking it." Grandpa says, "I'll give you $5 if you do!" The boy keeps working and finally holds up the intact worm and says, "Gimme my $5." Grandpa does and says, "I'll give you $10 if you can put it back." The boy thinks for a few seconds and runs into the house and gets his sister's hair spray. He comes back out, gives the worm a few squirts and sticks it back in the hole. Grandpa gives him his $10.

Next day the boy is again in the yard when his Grandpa comes out and hands him $10. The boy says, "But Grandpa, you've already paid me my $10!" Grandpa says, "Yes, but this is from your Grandma."

 

[NightSwimmer]

Irish Funeral

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men... "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

 

[RedCloud]

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men... "Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

Good one, NS!

 

[fairsheet]

For years, Ol' Man Anderson would share a moment of intimacy with his wife every Sunday morning, to the rhythm of the church bells.

Ol' Man Anderson keelt over and died of a heart attack last Sunday.

Damn ice cream truck!