Joke Time
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NightSwimmer
Senator
Heh!
Good one!
Good one!
U
Union_Jack_1972
Guest
That was too funny...
LeRoy_Was_Here
Senator
Two men were sitting next to each other at Murphy’s Pub in London. After awhile, one bloke looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listenin' to you, that you must be from Ireland.‘
The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might ye be?’
The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’
The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did ye live on in Dublin?’
The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would ye have been going?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’
The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’
The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 meself!’
About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’
Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’
‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’
The other bloke responds proudly, ‘Yes, that I am!’
The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about from Ireland might ye be?’
The other bloke answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’
The first one responds, ‘So am I!’
‘Mother Mary and begora. And what street did ye live on in Dublin?’
The other bloke says, ‘A lovely little area it was. I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town.’
The first one says, ‘Faith and it’s a small world. So did I! So did I! And to what school would ye have been going?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well now, I went to St. Mary’s, of course.’
The first one gets really excited and says, ‘And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?’
The other bloke answers, ‘Well, now, let’s see. I graduated in 1964.’
The first one exclaims, ‘The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same place tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary’s in 1964 meself!’
About this time, Vicky walks up to the bar, sits down and orders a drink.
Brian, the barman, walks over to Vicky, shaking his head and mutters, ‘It’s going to be a long night tonight.’
Vicky asks, ‘Why do you say that, Brian?’
‘The Murphy twins are drunk again.’
U
Union_Jack_1972
Guest
Lol!!!
Addy
Stand up for the people!
LeRoy_Was_Here
Senator
lol.. that is too funny, thanks,Leroy!
There's nothing better than a good Irish joke!
Fast thinker. a little black boy about ten tears old was walking down the street carrying a big turkey.The sheriff saw him and figured he had stolen it so he figured he would give the boy a good scare. he said hey boy what ever you do to that turkey i'm gonna do to you if you hurt that turkey i'm gonna hurt you now what are you gonna do with that turkey? the boy thought for a second and then said---well i'll tell you mr. sheriff i'm ganna kiss his ass and turn him loose
NightSwimmer
Senator
I think my wife has a drinking problem.
This morning I asked her to toast a couple of pieces of bread for me. She raised her wine glass and said; "Here's to bread!"
This morning I asked her to toast a couple of pieces of bread for me. She raised her wine glass and said; "Here's to bread!"
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. She has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
LeRoy_Was_Here
Senator
That was kind of an anti-blonde joke. Most of those jokes portray blondes as being very dumb. Like this one:
A blonde was sitting in economy class on a flight from Seattle to Chicago.
About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class.
A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."
After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up.
She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot.
"Wait a minute," said the pilot.
"Did you say she's blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde."
So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.
"I'm sorry," said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.
"What did you say to her?" asks the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.
"I just told her that first class isn't going to Chicago", the pilot replied.
A blonde was sitting in economy class on a flight from Seattle to Chicago.
About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class.
A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move back to economy class because that was what her ticket was for.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Chicago and I'm staying right here."
After several attempts to explain to the blonde why she had to return to economy class, the flight attendant gave up.
She went to the cockpit and explained the situation to the pilot and co-pilot.
"Wait a minute," said the pilot.
"Did you say she's blonde? I can handle this. My wife is a blonde. I speak Blonde."
So he went up to the woman sitting in first class and whispered something in her ear.
"I'm sorry," said the blonde, and she promptly got up and returned to her seat in economy class.
"What did you say to her?" asks the astonished flight attendant and co-pilot.
"I just told her that first class isn't going to Chicago", the pilot replied.
